Today, I woke up to my cat slowly dragging her paw across my face. I opened my eyes to see a bloody mouse dangling an inch from my face. It was still twitching. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I woke up to what sounded like twigs snapping. Turns out it was the skull of a live mouse being crushed in my cat's jaws. FML
Today, my cat head-butted me awake as usual. I reached to pet him, but it wasn't his face I touched. It was the still-twitching corpse of the disemboweled rat he held in his jaws. FML
Today, my cat was looking a little peaky. After craning my neck to check for lumps under his chin, he felt this was the perfect time to throw up a half-digested mouse onto my face. FML
Today, I woke up to a mouse sitting on my pillow and chewing on my hair. FML
Today, I made my way to bed around 4am after spending all night hanging out with my family. When I got to my bed, I started to clear a spot to lay down. Almost immediately, my hand touched something furry and cold and, fearing the worst, I turned the light on. Turns out my cat left me a half eaten rodent. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, I woke up to my disabled mother screaming for me. Fearing the worst, I hopped out of bed only to find that she was yelling because her cat had brought a field mouse inside as a gift. The problem? It was still alive. I had to get it from him and throw it outside. FML
Today, my cat attempted to make up for my insomnia with a dead mouse. I have no idea where he got it. FML
Today, I awoke at two in the morning to my cat putting his most recent kill on my chest. When I jumped up screaming, the dead mouse went flying and now my husband and I can't find it. Better yet, now both my husband and my cat are giving me the silent treatment. FML
Today, I was cleaning mouse remains from the kitchen floor, left by my cat. I found a small round thing nearby. With no idea what it was, I picked it up and gave it a little squeeze to see if it was solid. It wasn't, and burst with great force onto my face. I'm pretty sure it was an eye. FML
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Top comments
XDsmileyDX_fml 24
You're next.
aubama_fml 15
here's your breakfast master.
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Comments (106)
XDsmileyDX_fml 24
You're next.
EpicSquishii 21
I'd like to think this wasn't a threat, but a kitty-cat version of a Valentine. Waking up with a caress to breakfast in bed wouldn't be a bad thing to a fellow cat :P
nichollelovins 18
actually to cats when they bring you a died animal such as a mouse they see it as a present peace offering so in the cats eyes it was doing a good thing something it thought friends do
d4m4s74 12
I thought cats giving humans their catch means they think the human can't care for him/herself and needs help.
BirdieCurls 25
The other day my cat brought in a beheaded rat and put it on my bed, if he dangled that over my head I'd be halfway down the block in the next second!
kikimonole 13
I don't know why #65 has negative votes when they're correct. Cats bring you dead animals not as a peace offering, but because they believe that you are helpless like a kitten and therefore believe that they must hunt for you. Dogs are the ones that give it to you as a gift...
sonicsistar 7
It's true. Cats bring food to their people to feed them. It's because they care about you and your survival, not really a 'gift" in the way we think of a gift. It is the ultimate way for a cat to show you it cares about you. Accept it graciously.
B5B0N35 18
thats disgusting! how big was it?
Damian95 16
I wanna respond with, "that's what she said" so badly but that would be immature and I'd get down voted.
rockstar362 8
Observation: FML commenters have an appreciation for foresight. Interesting!
peacejunior 12
How is that even sweet?
lollypop30001 19
What your pussy wanted to show you some love.
DKjazz 20
Every single cat related FML. EVERY single one.
brinnablaine 22
They always go for the easiest possible joke or pun.
aubama_fml 15
here's your breakfast master.
Nyx_fml 23
Bloody and twitching to prove that it's fresh.
MermaidAnnariea 10
more like "you're a terrible hunter. eat this before you starve, dumbass."
xlord 27
He brought you a present
xSkittle 16
Yea, your cat loves you! Be happy
happylappy 21
The cat is female, it says her. Js
mcm_3 16
16 whats that got to do with anything?
applebramble 22
I don't wanna like #5'a comment coz it's at 69 likes teehee :3
ToxicAirplay 4
Awww, how sweet.
rebelbelle 17
He probably was expecting some praise
RayearthNinja 10
aww look, he doesn't want you to starve.
Altie 13
Your cat is kind enough to share her breakfast with you.
lovethenumber13 14
Seems like Tom finally got to him
whiteboy896 9
You men Jerry finally got to him, so he killed him.
GeneralCha 3
My memory might be playing tricks on me, but wasn't Tom the Cat and Jerry the Mouse? Correct me if I'm wrong.
grghillis96 15
Tom was the cat & Jerry was the mouse
BriMan83 7
Dumbass. Tom was the cat.