Today, my roommate unexpectedly came home with a new puppy. I'm severely allergic to dogs. When I reminded her of this, she explained that the puppy was her family now and if I didn't like it I should move out because blood is thicker than water. My roommate is my sister. FML
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Today, my wife isn't speaking to me and is considering separation because I got rid of the puppy she surprised me with for my birthday. She knows I hate dogs and I'm severely allergic to them, but thought it would be a happy case of "Dad later falls in love." FML
Today, after leaving my mom's house, I got 4 text messages from her about how I was a terrible person for not saying goodbye to my sister when I left. The "sister" she was referring to is the family dog. FML
Today, my mom confessed to loving my "little sister" more than she loves me. My "little sister" is the family dog. FML
Today, it's my wife's birthday. Since I had work, I gave her $200 to spend on herself and left. When I came back with dinner and the movie she wanted, I found her with a dog. She is very attached to him because the shelter was going to put him down. I love him, but I'm allergic to dogs. FML
Today, my sister came to stay with me in my apartment for the last few weeks of her difficult pregnancy. However she didn't tell me she was bringing her two dogs, her jackass of a husband, my bratty nephew, and an inflatable kiddie pool so she could have a natural water birth in my living room. FML
Today, to celebrate moving into a new apartment, my girlfriend decided she would get a kitten. She didn't know I'm allergic to cats. When I told her, she decided that she couldn't date someone who couldn't be around her cat; the one she doesn't have yet. FML
Today, my asshole of a roommate finally decided to move out. Not only did he take his belongings with him, he took some of mine as well. Including my dog. FML
Today, I've been living with my new roommate's dogs for three days now. In an ironic twist, the small one is very well-behaved, while the two big ones are disobedient little shits. Every day, I get a thousand more reminders as to why I'm a cat person. I can't do this anymore. FML
Today, after I got off work, as I walked into the house, I noticed something running across the floor towards me and out of complete terror I kicked it halfway across my living room, not knowing what it was. Turns out it was my roommate's new puppy. FML
Today, my girlfriend got evicted for having too many dogs. She expects me to let her and all 5 dogs live in my one-bedroom apartment. When I told her no, that I’d get evicted too, she said that should be a sacrifice I’m willing to make for “our family” if I really loved her. They aren’t even my dogs. FML
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Top comments
Aeroxx1337 17
Clearly her skull is thicker than her blood.
Miss_Latina 13
Now you have 2 bitches as roommates
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Comments (100)
narkill 13
How can you blame her! It's a puppy! It's not like she could've known you were allergic or anything.
woainishamu 21
They are sisters. I'm pretty sure siblings would know that about each other.
awkwardology 23
Yeah, it's not like they knew each other for their whole life or anything.
lostmongoose 23
Maybe failed attempt at sarcasm? Or #1 is as thick as op's sister...
narkill 13
People can't tell sarcasm very well on here, it is known.
hannaaaahr 33
Ahhh, when tumbed down, always blame it on the FML community. It's not your fault #1, it's always someone else's.
Ambient25 24
it helps with denial I guess
rawme21 12
I got it ;) people never seem to get my sarcasm either :p
NoFlippinWai 24
Maybe you guys should realize text does not deliever the proper tone for the reader to know you are being sarcastic. You have to give us some sort of hint like "jk" after your comment would sufice.
Wiz_Of_Oz 17
We need a universal symbol for the fml community to denote sarcasm. Like ~ for instance.
nightbirdblue 27
I find that a good old eye roll towards the end helps. That or making a post so outrageous that it is easier for most people to see it as sarcasm than as a serious opinion.
JennaNGood 21
A lot of butthurt people clearly voted this down. I'm sarcasm immune over text and even I understood this.
Snazzy_Snaz 17
Or end it with a big fat "OBVIOUSLLLYYY"
BillyGoesBoom 8
I feel like most people didn't understand the sarcasm.
hashshim 23
I'm pretty sure "/sarc" is often used to denote sarcasm.
imlifeless2 25
18: perhaps you should rephrase that first comment, then. maybe add an actual hint of sarcasm.
Aeroxx1337 17
Clearly her skull is thicker than her blood.
j_cat187 19
"Your head's a thick candy shell."
slappygecko 21
Oh, a piece of candy!
tjv3 10
Whos name is on the lease ?
lolita88_fml 27
That's really unfair. If you're allergic it should be brought into consideration. But then again, if your sister talks to you like that I reckon she's a bit dim and there's no getting through to her. Kick her in the shins.
Sweet_Meli 11
Is the puppy a girl? Cause then I could see how they're blood related .. If you know what I mean ;)
Deeznutzhairy 7
No.....
Fmlsea 28
you have issues.
amDes 11
#4 Is saying the sisters being a bitch...
Sweet_Meli 11
Thank you, atleast someone got it -_-
Mossears133 15
55- Adding "If you know what I mean ;)" implies sexual connotation which is severely ****** up in the context. Besides, bitchness does not equal blood relation; there are many bitches in my school and they're not kin!
Gingerette 8
I thought it made sense. Maybe next time, just leave the winky face off.
imlifeless2 25
55: oh, I got it. it just wasn't that good.
Sh3lbs 6
lmao, couldn't have said it better myself #63
woainishamu 21
Your sister is a mutt.
leptical 6
Someone doesn't like you as their roommate obviously. ;(
NoFlippinWai 24
or need OPs half of the rent OP time to move out. Make that puppy get a j-o-b.
Miss_Latina 13
Now you have 2 bitches as roommates
teffyweffy 6
Shave the dog, next problem.
NoFlippinWai 24
Another solution: Puppy meet blender. PUPPY SMOOTHIES FOR EVERYONE. jk
allie2590 31
NO that's horrible. :-(
daisiebud 18
You went too far that time.
Pooks7 12
People arent allergic to the fur. It's the dander, which is dead skin cells. Or they're allergic to the saliva. Cant shave that off
DFresh503 8
Ask her if she's allergic to backhand slaps, then find out... That's pretty selfish of OP's sister
skyeyez9 24
The meme of Batman Slapping Robin came to my mind as I read this.
drewflav 17
Just find a friend to give the bitch away to. I'll let you figure out which bitch I'm talking about :)