Today, at work, I was trying to get the octopus out of its tank to transfer it to another one. It instantly latched to my face and sprayed ink all over me. My boss told me to stop playing with the animals. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boss brought his cat to the office. Despite our no pet policy, I still managed to get the blame when the crazy animal scratched 3 colleagues and peed on the floor after my boss left for bathroom. Apparently I was supposed to be "looking after it". FML
Today, after three weeks of holding out, my stingy boss finally called animal control about the birds in the air vent above the register. While I was working, they rummaged through the vents, causing live maggots to fall down right in front of me. FML
Today, I was in a meeting with my boss and superiors as well as our clients. About two hours in I started playing with the lid of the pen I was using, next thing I saw was the lid flicking up and hitting my boss square in the middle of the head. FML
Today, while squishing a stink bug, it sprayed directly in my eye. FML
Today, my boss captured a huge spider and put it in a jar on the desk in our shop. He's named it Fluffy and is threatening to fire me if I harm it. I'm horribly arachnophobic and we share that desk. FML
Today, I went to a petting zoo with my niece and nephew. While we were checking out the llamas, one of them spat directly into my face. Disgusted and embarrassed, we turned away to pet a deer. The deer immediately urinated, then shook its tail, which splattered it into my face. FML
Today, while working my job as a swim instructor, my coworker sprayed me with the hose. I instinctively held up what I was holding to block the cold water. I was holding a 4 year-old. FML
Today, I'm in training at an animal shelter. There's an adorable tiny kitten there, which my boss said not to touch because it's feral. "No way he's dangerous!" I said, reaching into the cage to pet it. It struck like a cobra and tore up my arm. My first on-the-job injury is from a KITTEN. FML
Today, my boss slapped me across the face with a raw chicken breast. FML
Today, I got bitch-slapped by a walrus at Sea Life Park. FML
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Top comments
txgirl2013 14
"Aw you made me INK!!"
Tigerblossom 19
Do you work at an aquarium or a pet shop? Because if its a pet shop you can't have the animals getting too "attached" to you.
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Comments (135)
txgirl2013 14
"Aw you made me INK!!"
AHappyGoth 14
Seen enough hentai to know where this is going. . .
\ 28
"Crikee! All the animals have gone mad!" -dentist
\ 28
I think we can all thank the Japanese for showing us fetishes the universe could not have imagined on its own. Lol
KawaiiCupcake 14
Yes because getting ink all over your face is SO MUCH FUN!
s0m3guy2010 21
You call that an ink defense? AHH!! (Ink splatters everywhere)
Dawnstempest 17
@1 Just keep swimming.
evilplatypus 39
21 - Japan: now no longer part of the universe?
\ 28
Japan is its own universe. That's how developed they've become :)
AngelSpit 18
"Uugghh I keep trying to ink but all that comes out is .... You don't want to know what comes out"
kinky44 28
@21 Too bad America forced Japan to invent **** like that. You think they censor everything for fun? They have strict laws against showing genitals so they use tentacles to bypass the laws.
simoncat 11
Classic!
Llama_Face89 34
97- somehow I doubt the US forced anything on a country that sells modeling videos of 5 yr olds that border on softcore ****...
stoneYa 8
damn it, she just ****** an animal! arrest her
ragini95 16
because in the US they don't have shows like toddlers and tiaras and honey-boo-boo?
NellyFC35 19
Love that movie!
buckstop1 37
#1 made a Finding Nemo reference. How did this lead to Hentai?
countryrose92 23
Lol, working in an aquarium, best job EVER!!!
Corrupt_waffles 13
Working with Octopi is the best job ever. They are so amazing and intelligent. Op should have been a little more cautious but I don't think he was entirely in the wrong. Those animals are super sensitive to light and it's surroundings. Something else probably spooked it.
lilrye115 8
Sushi for dinner?
Misswildsides 22
Sushi is not octopus!
rawr_ily96 24
Yeah! That's kalamari... or however you spell it.
monnanon 14
its a c at the begining. apart from that you`re fine :)
Enslaved 38
Calamari is fried squid. Octopus is octopus. :P
feelingold 18
you f*cking rule 47. there's just not enough precision around these days.
skyeyez9 25
Squid is calamari.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
I love calamari. It's really chewy. You can add done wasabi sauce to kick it up a notch.
akiahara 14
Good calamari isn't chewy...
perdix 31
#86, yet, oddly enough, I prefer my calamari chewy. (I like pencil erasers, too, but that's beside the point.) There is sushi made from octopus, too.
Tigerblossom 19
Do you work at an aquarium or a pet shop? Because if its a pet shop you can't have the animals getting too "attached" to you.
ygdrassil 17
What sort of pet shop has octopi in stock? They can't sell too many of them.
Pleonasm 36
They do that ink-ase of emergencies. Those sneaky cephalopods, though, they're trying to kill you!
_GoodGuy 11
I have an inkling that the octopus was afraid.
_GoodGuy 11
An octopus exchanged his old tentacles for new ones. It was ‘squid pro quo’.
olpally 33
Finding nemo anyone? Lol. Sounds like an awesome job though :)
Enslaved 38
I thought about "Star Wars" Quarrens. :P And also when the same thing happened in "Tom & Jerry".(:
MasterTron 24
I was thinking of pentapox from the last avatar
Llama_Face89 34
89- Avatar: The Last Airbender*
Capt_Oblivious 10
That was pretty vulgaris of him
SoulAmeliorate 16
I'm surprised you noticed, Captain Oblivious.
i_wuz_nver_here 31
Where the hell do you work!?
rg350dx 29
A rock quarry.
flockz 20
at the airport.
jizzwold 21
He is a key player in the accounting department.
Redoxx_fml 22
For some reason I thought this was gonna be an elaborate innuendo
hooligyn123 18
Toys R Us
flockz 20
in the back room of a **** set.
gurly98 13
Somebodys in an inky situation
rg350dx 29
NO. Annoying isn't it?
coolgosh 2
why WERE you trying to move an octopus????
olpally 33
It's part of op's job, read the fml again.
rg350dx 29
Did you even read the whole FML? You literally only had to read the first sentence.
Usuario 25
OP likes moving octopuses to different places