Today, someone reckoned that I would never be in a relationship. So I made up this whole story about some made up guy named 'Nick' and posted stuff on my Facebook and Myspace that I'm dating him. Now all my friends want to meet him. FML

by ashbox233 / 11/08/2010 at 11:18pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I arrived home to find I'd been broken in to. The culprit? An obese homeless man, who I found face down, unconscious, and surrounded by muesli bar wrappers in my pantry. He broke in, ate everything in sight, soiled himself, and passed out. The worst part? The cops don't even believe me. FML

by Jen / 11/08/2010 at 10:36pm / Australia / Money

Today, I met my boyfriend's whole family. Between them they had about 10 teeth. FML

by unknown / 11/08/2010 at 9:25pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my daughter got engaged. Her fiancé is not only 25 years older than her, but was her teacher in middle school. FML

by - / 11/08/2010 at 7:38pm / United States (Tennessee) / Kids

Today, I freaked out when I couldn't get my bathroom door open. After ten minutes of panic when thinking about how I'd be stuck there for at least 8 hours until my roommate would get home, and another five mentally going over survival skills, I realized that I had forgotten to unlock the door. FML

by pottyhostage / 11/08/2010 at 4:26pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered I am the "before picture" in an internet weight loss advert. FML

by beforegirl / 11/08/2010 at 4:11pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

null's comment : So you're the "before", but not the "after"? Are you trying to tell me... that an internet advertiser is making false claims?!

See all the comments

Today, I got sentenced to 20 hours community service for having a boy in my room an hour after floor hours. If I don't do the community service, I could get kicked out of the dorm and put on probation at my college. We were breaking up. FML

by pixie09 / 11/08/2010 at 3:43pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. He got a text and reached over to get his phone. In the process, he elbowed my face and busted my lip. He laughed. FML

by Anon / 11/08/2010 at 1:34pm / Singapore / Health

Today, my virgin girlfriend who wanted to lose her virginity to me got on Google, and quizzed me on how to properly put on a condom. She doesn't trust me. FML

by wow / 11/08/2010 at 1:23pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I learned that everyone at college was calling me "Parallel Lines" because I've got an unibrow and an apparent hairiness over my mouth. By the way, I'm a girl. FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2010 at 1:16pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I let my friend use my computer to download some music. Now, my computer has 6 viruses and 4 songs, all of which I hate. FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2010 at 12:11pm / United States (California) / Geek

Today, my cat learned how to flush the toilet while I was in the shower. His transformation from cute kitten to pure evil entity is now complete. FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2010 at 5:55am / Turkey (Istanbul) / Animals

Today, someone was getting beat up by 6 guys. When I tried to help, they had a swing at me as well. The cops came when I was enthusiastically defending myself. They got away, I got arrested. FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2010 at 5:48am / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Miscellaneous