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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, a cat came up to me on the pavement so I petted it a little. An elderly man rode past on his bicycle and shouted "I'd like to stroke your pussy too!" FML

#6367890
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26856) - you deserved it (3571)

On 11/19/2009 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by pussystroker (woman) - United Kingdom (Peterborough)

Today, I was baking cookies and opened the oven door to check on them. Apparently, wearing a gold necklace means the wave of heat will burn your very fair skin. I now have a bright red ring of stars around my neck. FML

#6367653
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21749) - you deserved it (6008)

On 11/19/2009 at 11:41am - misc - by Sam_Licker81 (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I took my dog to the vet because he hadn't eaten his food in three days, was drinking a lot of water, and was peeing a lot (all signs of antifreeze poisoning). I spent $200 at the vet to tell me that my dog is fine and just didn't like his current food. FML

#6367435
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25383) - you deserved it (5020)

On 11/19/2009 at 11:14am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my girlfriend woke up very early in terrible pain. I drove her to the hospital and fell asleep in the waiting area. When I woke up, my car was gone and it was 9am. She had assumed I just walked home (32 miles), so she took the car. I was the only one in the waiting area. FML

#6367278
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33112) - you deserved it (2872)

On 11/19/2009 at 10:53am - health - by nolips (man) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, I was babysitting my nephew. He was watching the episode where Spongebob smashes his guitar while playing. I walk into the kitchen to make him a snack, and I hear a loud crash... My nephew smashing my brand new guitar to be like Spongebob. FML

#6366811
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31212) - you deserved it (3990)

On 11/19/2009 at 9:37am - misc - by maxus - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend gave me an early wedding present. I opened the box and inside was the most adorable cat I've ever seen! It got scared, jumped out, clawed my face and pissed everywhere. My wedding is tomorrow and I look like Frankenstein's bride. FML

#6366534
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35160) - you deserved it (3307)

On 11/19/2009 at 8:36am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I found out that if you lose contact with people in your previous school, they decide to spread rumors about you and make everyone believe that you're dead. FML

#6365565
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27649) - you deserved it (3127)

On 11/19/2009 at 4:03am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was laughing at a story of a girl who had dropped her cellphone in a hottub and ruined it. As I was feeling pretty good about myself, I then realized that my cellphone was in the pocket of a sweater that I had just thrown in the washer 20 minutes prior. FML

#6365163
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6469) - you deserved it (43804)

On 11/19/2009 at 2:36am - misc - by Cellphonetroubles - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I decided to begin jogging since my weight was getting a little out of control and I wanted to do something about it. Guess who tripped on a root and broke their ankle? Yeah. Exactly. FML

#6365107
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26643) - you deserved it (4918)

On 11/19/2009 at 2:33am - health - by SeeTony (man) - United States (California)

Today, after a long day of cleaning, I decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. Reaching for what I thought was Pam I coated my bread with spray and put my sandwich in the pan. Pledge makes a great looking sandwich, but the lemony flavor tastes like crap. FML

#6364949
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8153) - you deserved it (27272)

On 11/19/2009 at 2:08am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, whilst singing at school in front of 300 visiting primary school children I forgot the second verse to my song and let out an F*** word with the microphone still up to my face. FML

#6364461
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8216) - you deserved it (36253)

On 11/19/2009 at 1:10am - kids - by fail (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I applied some things I learned reading a "How to please a woman" book. My wife was in heaven until it was over, then she started crying and yelling about the only way I would learn those things is if I was having an affair. I explained but she doesn't believe me. FML

#6363732
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27283) - you deserved it (2341)

On 11/19/2009 at 12:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my dad came home from Vegas. Today, my college savings account is down by $64,000. FML

#6362142
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40640) - you deserved it (2841)

On 11/18/2009 at 10:31pm - misc - by screwed - United States (New York)



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