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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML

#6857935
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27739) - you deserved it (2917)

On 12/21/2009 at 12:20am - misc - by goblue (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, at my job as a cake decorator in a bakery, I put the finishing touches on the wedding cake of the man who left me at the altar 3 years ago. FML

#6857833
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46967) - you deserved it (2588)

On 12/21/2009 at 12:16am - misc - by budapesthungary - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our five-year anniversary. I got him a new flat-screen TV. He got me toilet seat cover. FML

#6856764
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31194) - you deserved it (4358)

On 12/20/2009 at 11:27pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was down the pub with a mate and we got onto the subject of bar fights. I said I thought being glassed wouldn't actually hurt that much. My friend looks at me, calmly finishes his pint and then swiftly smashes his glass over my head. Turns out I was wrong. And we got kicked out. FML

#6856689
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8651) - you deserved it (31723)

On 12/20/2009 at 11:23pm - misc - by itstillhurts (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a huge fight. Instead of taking me home like he told me he was going to, he pulled up to the gas station, gave me $6, and asked me to go pay. As soon as I walked inside, he threw my bag out the door, and drove off. FML

Today, I texted my Dad to tell him I'm staying at my boyfriend's house and won't be home. Since I had predictive text on, my phone didn't quite get the word 'home' - the message I sent said, 'I'm staying at Will's, I'll not be good tonight.' FML

#6852058
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13777) - you deserved it (27376)

On 12/20/2009 at 7:26pm - love - by embarrassed (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, I bought a laptop so that I could have dirty video chats with my internet girlfriend. I got home only to find that the only place I can get a decent wifi signal is in front of my mom's room. FML

#6851938
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8076) - you deserved it (21178)

On 12/20/2009 at 7:20pm - intimacy - by thatguy (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I finally got around to writing my Christmas cards. After finishing, I realized I had written "Happy Birthday" instead of "Merry Christmas" on every single one. FML

#6850443
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11459) - you deserved it (36076)

On 12/20/2009 at 5:41pm - misc - by mannnnn2717 (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had a mental breakdown after going through severe depression for several years. I told my boyfriend that everybody thinks I'm useless, to which he replied, "No you're not. You cook me good dinners." FML

#6850424
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28442) - you deserved it (7338)

On 12/20/2009 at 5:40pm - health - by Suicidal (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I decided to attach fifteen-pound weights to each foot so I could burn some extra calories while shoveling snow. My dad asked me to move one of the cars in the driveway. When I put my foot on the gas pedal, I couldn't take it off. I ended up hitting my sister and knocking her into a snow bank. FML

#6848786
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9329) - you deserved it (49302)

On 12/20/2009 at 3:28pm - misc - by Klamp18 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, in the middle of having sex, my boyfriend of two years got a call. After taking the call, he said, "It's an emergency," and that he has to go. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me is wife is going into labour. FML

#6848390
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28644) - you deserved it (5419)

On 12/20/2009 at 2:57pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I woke up to a quite frigid room, which wasn't out of the ordinary since my building's heat is broken. But I realized that the extra cold I was feeling was due to the snow piled up on my bed. It had snowed 20 inches last night. My mom had apparently opened my window. FML

#6848159
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31178) - you deserved it (2659)

On 12/20/2009 at 2:42pm - misc - by Lapis (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while driving, we pulled up at a set of traffic lights next to a huge truck with live animals inside. Curious as to exactly what animal, I wound down my window to see if I could hear them, just in time for the truck to take off and cow shit to fly in my face. FML

#6844162
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22701) - you deserved it (10237)

On 12/20/2009 at 9:37am - misc - by kat, ACT - United States



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