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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML

#3402233
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46118) - you deserved it (4587)

On 07/01/2009 at 5:46pm - misc - by Pelota (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the doctor for a sports physical. I've had a giant, dark birthmark on my left rib cage that I've hated most of my life. Recently I've learned to embrace it and show it off by wearing bikinis. My doctor saw it today and told me it's a fungus that's been spreading on my side all my life. FML

#3400206
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58101) - you deserved it (6485)

On 07/01/2009 at 4:35pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

manoverboard's comment : Why didn't any other doctors notice this?

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Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML

#3398607
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67703) - you deserved it (6469)

On 07/01/2009 at 3:33pm - intimacy - by wildthing (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was in my new boyfriend's apartment for the first time. As I was flipping through his photo albums, I came across one full of disturbingly candid pictures of me. I found some as early as my trip to the state fair, three years ago. I met my boyfriend two months ago. FML

#3398201
401 comments

I agree, your life sucks (147180) - you deserved it (9258)

On 07/01/2009 at 3:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I took a bike ride to enjoy the weather and stopped for a break on the sidewalk of an overpass, taking in the view of the beautiful hills. I was approached by a cop, who said to me: "Ma'am, I know your life is crap right now, but I'm sure it'll get better. Please don't jump." FML

#3395753
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49875) - you deserved it (4602)

On 07/01/2009 at 1:41pm - misc - by Liz (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I logged onto facebook, and saw that one of my friends had just listed herself as in a relationship. I was happy for her, so I clicked the "like" button. Then I went to her page to see who her new boyfriend was. It was my boyfriend. FML

#3395339
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61434) - you deserved it (4208)

On 07/01/2009 at 1:25pm - love - by dumped (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it was boiling hot so my boyfriend and I decided to sunbathe in the garden and ended up falling asleep for a few hours. Not only is my back so burnt that I can't lie down, I also have a white hand print on my upper back where my boyfriend had left his arm while we slept. FML

#3394819
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12781) - you deserved it (40944)

On 07/01/2009 at 1:04pm - misc - by Beccarr - United Kingdom (Wokingham)

Today, I was home alone in the shower when in the opening of the curtain, I could see a man in a ski mask. I passed out, hit my head on the tub. I then found out it was my dad pulling a prank on me. I almost died cause my dad wanted to see me scream like a girl. FML

Today, I logged on to MSN for the first time in a month. In under 10 minutes, I found out that my little sister had changed my screen name to Jake the Weiner, told my friend that he should "suck my d***" and sent an email to all my contacts declaring my love for my best friend. FML

#3390593
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45070) - you deserved it (5869)

On 07/01/2009 at 8:28am - misc - by Jake (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I wrote a long wall post on my teachers wall on facebook including how much of a douche I thought she was, I wasn't planning on posting it but did on accident, so I quickly deleted it. I felt pretty clever. Did you know facebook sends you emails including what was written on the post? FML

#3389905
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7928) - you deserved it (81289)

On 07/01/2009 at 6:43am - misc - by Sallyfromtheseashore (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got an email from a guy to whom I sold my old phone to over eBay. Turns out I forgot to delete the nude photos of myself and my boyfriend that I had stored up. His email asked me for "any PIN numbers needed to use the phone, and oh by the way, nice tits." FML

#3389802
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8992) - you deserved it (69299)

On 07/01/2009 at 6:31am - intimacy - by paprikarulz (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I got two viruses on my laptop. One was a fake anti-spyware program that cluttered the screen with pop-ups. The other opened explorer repeatedly, each time to a generic porn site. This all conveniently happened at work, on a projector and during a meeting. FML

#3389497
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48384) - you deserved it (6594)

On 07/01/2009 at 5:37am - work - by Robert (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I learned that shaving my unibrow while drunk/high was a terrible idea. I also learned that one brow looks better than no brow. FML

#3386965
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7052) - you deserved it (50780)

On 07/01/2009 at 2:37am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)



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