Today, I spent an hour deleting 70 of my status posts from the past week so I don't look so addicted to Facebook. Damn, I need a life. FML

by Anonymous / 02/23/2011 at 3:17am / United States (California) / Geek

Today, I got a missed call from a lady at an employment agency asking why I hadn't turned up to an information session for a potential job. Yesterday, the same lady told me the job position was canceled. FML

by ellie / 02/23/2011 at 2:10am / Australia (Queensland) / Work

Today, I threw up in the car. While driving. The good news though, I had a bag to catch it all. Bad news? The bag had a giant hole in the bottom. FML

by CarSick / 02/22/2011 at 10:55pm / United States / Health

Today, I asked for permission to marry the girl I love. Her father not only said no, he said "HELL no!" FML

by Anonymous / 02/22/2011 at 10:21pm / United States / Love

Today, my sister and I had a bonding moment. It consisted of me plucking her chin hairs. FML

by Taylor / 02/22/2011 at 9:51pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to move out. Excited, thinking he wanted us to move out from his mom's house, I said, "Yeah! Just you and me?" to which he smirked and replied, "No, just you." FML

by Shropintz / 02/22/2011 at 7:27pm / United States / Love

Today, after some passionate love making with my husband, I accidentally farted on his leg. He shrieked and frantically began shaking his leg while screaming, "Get it off! Get it off!" FML

by CutieBooty / 02/22/2011 at 4:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, someone started an event on Facebook for tomorrow called Kick A Ginger Day. Over 300 people are attending. There are only two redheads in my school, and I'm one of them. FML

by Someone / 02/22/2011 at 1:30pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why I'd be angry if he had a foursome with 3 other people. FML

by Dilly_20 / 02/22/2011 at 1:00pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, in an attempt to get some guidance from my college advisor, I emailed her, saying I was contemplating going to another school because I felt so helpless about my GPA, and was sure I wouldn't get my major. I asked for advice on raising it. She gave me instructions on how to drop out. FML

by academicloser / 02/22/2011 at 12:19pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was paired up with a partner in my film class. He has an idea for a film: "Shoot an onion from all angles, light it on fire, and roll it down a hill". He was dead serious. I'm stuck with this guy for the whole year. FML

by Dean Heffern / 02/22/2011 at 9:28am / Work

Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML

by no name / 02/22/2011 at 7:25am / Miscellaneous

Today, I found a picture my husband had saved on the computer. It was of me, and he had named it "Fatter". FML

by just great... / 02/22/2011 at 3:38am / Love