Today, my son forgot to log out of MSN. He had written, "When am I getting out of this place?" and his username was "mother fucker". FML
Today, the only girl I really loved said to me: I want you to be the father of my child, but I don't want to be your girlfriend. FML
Today, I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside my door, because I didn't have my glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute, thinking it was my imagination, my stepdad said, "You know, I'm looking RIGHT at you." FML
Today, we got my brother a pet hamster because he has trouble making friends. We thought a hamster would be a good way to teach him about caring for others. I walked into the room and the hamster was hanging from the ceiling. Turns out there's a reason my brother doesn't have friends. FML
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My boyfriend thinks I'm faking the whole thing in revenge for the fight we had yesterday. FML
Today, I went to my first ever job interview. I thought I was doing well, until the recruiter asked why he should hire me. The only thing I could say was "Because I'm really, really nervous right now?" FML
Today, I found my little brother breathing heavily and asked him what he was doing. He looked at me intensely and said "Breathing in all the oxygen so you can't have any and die." 5ML
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