tracker998

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

Movie night

Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. We went inside the theatre and he saw a couple of his friends. Instead of saying hi and coming back to watch the movie with me, he ditched me for them. When I reminded him he was forgetting something, he grabbed the popcorn out of my hands and left. FML

Well?

Today, I heard the four most dreaded words known to man during my first time: "Is it in yet?" It was. FML