Mrs 47 years-old
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck, and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML
Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could retake a test. I thought I'd texted back, "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML
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