SerpentKnights

Mick This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff United States

Opportunist

Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML

787 comments

KAAALIS 16 March 2009, 02:20 United States 🌶️ Spicy

Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML

1224 comments

creepermagnet 6 April 2009, 19:39 United States

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

910 comments