crazyforcrew

Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don't have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get fired. FML

Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML

Excuses

Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very Christian family, I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "Is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" FML

Today, I realized my friends and I should be more careful what we say around my younger brother. I never thought he was paying attention until today. My stepmom told him it was time to go to bed. He responded, "I think it's time for you to suck one." My brother is 4. FML