tyler907

Pay attention

Today, I woke myself up by letting out a long fart. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't fallen asleep while on jury duty. FML

Today, I made a nursing home resident laugh so hard that he had a heart attack. FML

The office, but worse

Today, my District Manager was impressed by all the appointments in my upcoming calendar. Bubbling with pride, I blurted out, "Oh, I just love to have all my slots filled!" The awkward silence was only broken by, "That's what she said!" from the next cubicle. FML