Single
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she thought I was cheating on her. With my own sister. FML
Today, I finally told my girlfriend of four months that I love her. Her response was, "Uh... thanks?" FML
Today, I finally started doing cardio and getting in shape. What motivated me to do it? Watching a zombie movie. The slow ones bite the dust first. FML
Today, I was sitting in my school's crowded auditorium. When our single, abstinence-only ballsack of a Sex Ed teacher was announced to be stepping down due to being pregnant, I burst into uncontrollable laughter. My reward was aching sides and a week of detention. FML
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