Miss hicktown, iowa, USA
Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to help, I slowly say, "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says, "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML
Today, I was sitting beside a very cute girl on a 3 hour bus trip with my class. She fell asleep, head on my lap. She woke up because my erection was jabbing her in the cheek. FML
Today, I was mugged. The guy mugging me was eating a banana. FML
Today, I puked up a centipede. FML
Today, I killed a pigeon. It choked to death on a piece of bread I threw its way. FML
Today, I was driving back home with my mom when we saw two squirrels having sex in the road. I told her to just honk the horn. She said that I was being selfish, that sex is a beautiful thing, and that we should let them finish. We sat there for at least five minutes. FML
Today, I was stuck in stand-still traffic for 5 minutes, before realizing I had stopped behind a parked car. FML
Today, I tried to comfort my daughter who'd been crying non-stop for hours. She thinks Chuck Norris is coming to kill her, and I can't convince her otherwise. FML
Today, I found a very large pumpkin super-glued to my car. It will not come off. FML
Today, my mom took me to a counselor because of my addiction to watermelon. FML
Today, while at the beach, I was mistaken for Snooki. FML
Today, I was robbed by a guy wearing a ninja turtle costume. FML
Today, I surprised my four year-old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it "Horny". FML
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