Mr Sierra Vista, USA
Today, I was naked in bed. I was eating vanilla yogurt and it spilt. My dad walked in and then apologized that he had walked in on me while I was masturbating. FML
Today, while having sex for our first time, my boyfriend decided to test out a theory he heard about, that conversation during sex makes it more enjoyable. His way of doing it? He looked me straight in the eye and asked, "How 'bout them Brewers?" We're from Wisconsin. That's our local sports team. FML
Today, I noticed that after a month of using my gel, it never seems to empty. I then found out my older brother and his friends had been pumping their man-juice into it. FML
TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML
Today, while in line at a gas station, I felt something on my shoulder. I turned around only to see a woman behind me pulling the sunburnt skin off my shoulder. When I told her to stop, she yelled, hit me with her purse and ran off crying. FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML
Today, the closest I came to doing something that could be vaguely construed as "constructive" was wanking and crying. Sometimes simultaneously. FML
Today, I woke up after having a wet dream about Marge Simpson. I really need to get laid. FML
Today, I was driving home when I saw my boyfriend chundering on the side of the road, into an old lady's shopping basket. FML
Today, a man crashed into my car. He then got out of his car, dug a toothbrush and toothpaste out of his bag, and tried to brush away the damage. FML
Today, an African-American family came into the restaurant at which I work. They said, "Jackson, party of 5." After I laughed, I realized they were serious. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
