The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs

Group Project Struggles

Not helping never looked so cute!

Just one second

Today, I found that my coworker left an "upper decker" in the toilet as a prank. I didn't realize this until I flushed. The poop clogged the top part of the toilet, which would not stop filling. I had to reach into the poopy water to unplug it. All I went in there to do was pee, and I had the CFO of our company waiting. FML

Women shouldn't fart?

Today, I slept in the same room as my girlfriend for the first time. She is sweet, smart, and drop-dead gorgeous, so naturally I thought she was going to be the one. Until she farted in her sleep. 56 times. FML

Bad doggies

Today, I went for a walk. I was repeatedly barked at, and almost attacked, by nearly a dozen dogs. I have cynophobia from being nearly killed by violent untrained dogs on several occasions, so just hearing a dog bark gives me severe heart palpitations. I'm not kidding when I say I almost had a heart attack. FML

And you may ask yourself, "Where is that large automobile?"

Today, I went outside and walked to my car, only to see someone had hit and run my car while it was parked. My insurance company deemed my car a total loss. The person who did this never got caught. FML

The classic switcheroo

Today, I accidentally texted my very strict and judgemental mom instead of my boyfriend. The text said, "I wanna lick ice cream off your dick." FML

Winning

Today, It's been two years since I graduated from high school. The people in my grade excluded me from social activities and wouldn't talk to me. I dropped out of college when the same trends ensued and people treated me the same. For now, at 20, I serve drive-thru to people who bullied me, on their way to party. FML

Crime scene

Today, I called the police because I thought a burglar had broken into our house. I found out the strange noise was just my dog fucking about, so I smashed a small window and kicked down a door so I wouldn't be embarrassed. FML

The FML Showdown #3!

Who's employee of the month?

Time

Today, after spending two days spiraling out of control with my thoughts and online searches over my husband not being attracted to me, and our marriage being over, I realized it was just the week before my period insanity. I get to know I'm gonna bleed when the intrusive thoughts start to win. Being a woman is so fun. FML

Bad dads

Today, I was waitressing. Two of the patrons, who were fathers, insisted on having their food taken off the bill because it’s Father’s Day and “ChatGPT said” they can get free food. We refused and said there’s no such thing. When I collected the check, I saw they wrote “fat bitch” on the tip line. FML

The Betrayal

Today, I found out my boyfriend of 6 years and fiancé has been secretly dating and hooking up with my step-sister behind my back. Now she's pregnant. FML

Convoluted

Today, I give my everything to my family and husband. Every penny I earn, hot meals daily, a clean house, and love. Despite all this, my husband asked me why I am still alive and told me to go and die. On my birthday. All because I mildly offended his third cousin against a ridiculous request. FML

Your brain on alcohol

Today, I found out that getting drunk and attempting to shit out the second story window is a very bad idea. FML

Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML

Discipline

Today, our Scout troop was scheduled to do the Cycling Merit Badge. Midway through, it began to rain so hard that I couldn't see the road, and ended up in a ditch. Rather than make sure I was okay, as I was covered in mud and blood, my dad the Scoutmaster decided to scream at me for holding everyone else up. FML

Get on with it

Today, I tried to finish an essay, which is already overdue by 5 days. I know the longer I procrastinate, the longer the pain will last, but my brain is still not working and can't start to write. FML

Bite the bullet

Today, I got terminated. I don’t know how to tell my family that I no longer have a job. FML

Short People Struggles

You can do it!

Level up

Today, I found out who my ex-girlfriend left me for. He is more successful than I am, and comes from a supportive and unconditionally loving family. He is bigger, taller, and 4 years younger than me. To add insult, I’m only 25 but this rich kid is in a band and plays guitar better than me. FML

To each their own emergency

Today, I had to drive my grandmother to the emergency room. I periodically tried to call my parents but neither of them picked up, even when I called the house. We sat there for 6 hours and still no one took her to a room, and no response. Mom finally called back, only to tell me to get her a pack of cigarettes. FML

Today, I was acting as Prince Charming for a 5 year old's birthday party. After my scene at the ball, the narrator asked the kids, "Was the Prince handsome?" and they all replied with a chorus of "Nooooo!" FML

Today, a Milkbone commercial came on TV. At the end of it, they whistle and throw a Milkbone across the screen, prompting my 100lb German Shepherd to leap off the couch and run head on into my new plasma screen TV. FML

The best costume design award goes to…

Today, my son is so rabid for Halloween this year that he decided to dress up early and do his own Incredible Hulk makeup. He used a green permanent marker he stole from school. It’s all over him from head to foot, and my carpet, sofa, bathtub, and even the cat. FML

Freak out

Today, I decided to bake chocolate wafers. I rolled the dark brown dough into a log, when my senile grandmother walked in. She saw it and started screaming that I was playing with shit, then threw a bottle at me. I had to throw the dough away because it was full of broken glass. FML

Cheers

Today, my support worker gave me tampons and baby milk powder as part of my food parcel. The only thing is I can't have kids, I don't have kids, and I'm a guy. FML

Risky business

Today, I had sex with my landlord. As if that's not bad enough, my period hit, and I bled everywhere. His place is a total bloodbath and I'm worried that he's going to ask me to pay for the damage. FML

Mad skills

Today, my son is so naive that he didn’t notice that a company he interviewed for basically used him as free labour during a 3 day “skills assessment period”, after which he didn’t even get the job. Even after I explained to him they'd used him for 3 days free grunt work, he still didn’t understand. FML

Disgruntled

Today, I work at a gas station. There's a bald manlet, who we fired because he couldn't do his job, who has been ripping us off by giving away tickets he wins from the slot machines. We banned him from the store. I caught him on the corner, wearing our uniform, with a sign falsely advertising that our coffee is free. FML

Family drama

Today, I found one good thing that came from my great-uncle's death: My family can no longer start arguments about his date of birth. Except now I have a new problem: They're mad at me because I was right all along. Someone's dead and they're too busy being sore losers about a date to care. I miss him. FML