Today, I was practising kicks with a a woman in my MMA class and for some reason she dropped her pads to ask me a question at the last second, and I kicked her in the jaw. I got banned from the class for not being careful. She’s the one lowered the pad in the middle of practice. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's sister and within a few hours we were in love. Seriously, personality-wise I’ve had more fun today just talking with her sister than I have for over a year dating my girlfriend, including the sex. We don’t want to cheat and hurt her sister. This sucks. FML
Today, two more years until I can move out. My mom takes up so much space in the house, even in my room, I don't even have enough space for my own clothes, and I'm not allowed to get rid of ones that don't fit. How am I supposed to survive another two years here when I have a breakdown about her suffocating me once a week? FML
Today, my doctor wants me to avoid carbohydrates, proteins, and fats. Yes, I am looking for another doctor while I scratch my head. FML
Life is just one giant storm sometimes!
Today, to save money on our vacation, we got a single room with double beds. What a mistake that was. Thanks to our dad's OCD need to stick to his schedule, he got us up at 6 every morning, we had to be in bed by 9:30PM and absolutely no relaxing by the pool, because “we got things to do.” FML
Today, I got in trouble for following the rules at work. This is the third workplace where this has happened. Each time, when I provided the written document that showed the rules that I followed, I was told, "Well…" Don't make it a "rule" if it's really going to be a guideline with 50+ possible exceptions. FML
Today, I called my mother to check up on her. Lately, she's been having some financial problems, so last week I sent her my last $100 to help her out until her next paycheck. She used the money to euthanize the family dog. FML
Today, I’m doing my clinicals at a teaching hospital. An irate patient began hurling slurs and demanded I leave the room during her exam. She didn’t care that I was a student; she thought I was a man. I’m not now nor have I ever been male. FML
Today, I once again have to attend a family gathering and never hear the end of, “Julie, you’re 33 and you still haven’t found a man?” What they don’t understand is that every time I pour my heart out to a guy, I always get the ladder kicked out from under me. As a result, I can’t get close to anyone anymore. FML
Today, I woke up from a night of serious depression, drinking by myself at home, to find a USB stick wrapped in plastic up my vagina, with "Top secret" written on it. There was nothing on the stick when I checked. I may need to give tequila a rest and switch back to gin. FML
Today, my old ass garage door got bent while I was trying to close it. I broke nearly all of my fingernails trying to force it back into place. Time to get a new garage door. FML
Today, my mom is in the hospital and I'm sitting by the phone in case anyone calls with news. Each time the phone rings, I bolt upright to answer it. So far I've been woken up by two telemarketers, three robo-calls, and some old lady asking for Doris, who doesn't live here. I can't turn my phone off. FML
Today, my wife lost her patience with her aunt but because she can't say anything to her, she takes it out on me. Then she also blames everything on me, in that I didn't do enough to make it stop. I went against my family and relatives to be with this woman, but I get treated as a dog. FML
Today, after I tried to be the bigger person and invite my dad to my college graduation/dinner, and he asked when so I gave him the address and times, surprise surprise, he didn’t show up. He didn’t even have the decency to send a damn text. Yet when I’m angry about his crap, I get told I have daddy issues. FML
Today, I started working night shift at my new job. It was also the day the kid across the road from me decided to start riding the loud dirt bike he got for Xmas in circles over their lawn, during the hours when I need to sleep. His parents refuse to do anything, and won't take him anywhere else to ride. FML
Today, it's been two months since I started dating a woman I met at work after she had found out her boyfriend cheated on her. She confessed to me she only looked through his phone to find evidence so she wouldn’t feel bad for liking me. I was happy as can be for two months. Now she’s now going back to her ex. We all see each other every Sunday. FML
Today, a man walked through my line with a XL bottle of lotion and many boxes of tissues. As I was ringing him up, the customer broke the silence by saying, "Yeah my son won't stop using the cooking oil for his 'personal time'", finger-air-quotes and all. FML
Today, a delivery driver called me, wanting directions in a city that's halfway across the state from where I live. He insisted he was calling the right number (he wasn't), so I had to explain slowly that I don't live there, don't know where he is, and couldn't help him. He responded, "Fuck you, then," and hung up. FML
Today, my family has been unsuccessfully trying to stop my sister's energy drink addiction. She's not even 30, but the doctors say her heart health (or lack thereof) is roughly equivalent to a person over twice her age. She probably won't even live to 40 at this rate, which makes us sad. Why won't she listen to us? FML
Today, I fainted in my bathroom, full on naked and sprawled out on my bathroom floor. When I came to, I was in pain from landing on my side and very disoriented. I sat up and could see my husband just roll over in bed and go to sleep. He didn’t even ask me if I was OK. FML
Today, we're in the middle of remodeling our bathroom and the hallway of our apartment. We hired a great guy and he does a really good job, but there's a lot of dust and no way to clean properly until everything is done. My wife is pissed with me because I work from home and don't clean everything every day. FML
Today, I was ranting to my friend on the phone about my toxic ex, calling him a “walking red flag with a God complex.” Mid-sentence, she cut me off, saying, “Uh… you're on speaker. He’s in the car with me.” He chimed in with, “I mean… fair enough.” FML
Today, I found out that my doctor got mad I was prescribed Suboxone. Why? He had me in patches and pills when I wanted neither. I found relief and he took it as an issue, but this morning he wrote, "I know you're a druggie" in my file. I've never touched street drugs, and the cherry on top was, "You homeless yet?" A DOCTOR. FML
Today, I saw a text from my mom asking, “Are you still with that girl from last year? I miss her.” She was talking about my ex. The girl I’m dating now saw the message before I did. FML
Today, I found out that my husband asked out another woman on a date five days before our 11th anniversary. FML
Today, we realized we had a problem with two appliances. Their manuals were in a high cabinet. My husband got down the one for the appliance he was working on, but left the one I needed up too high for me to reach. I got the step stool and said, "OK" as I climbed up. My husband flipped and yelled that I am "disrespectful." FML
Today, I planned to propose to my girlfriend in front of her family at dinner. I had the ring ready and got down on one knee. She immediately burst into laughter and said, "Are you kidding?" The family stared in silence, and I quickly realised she was just teasing me... until I stood up and knocked over an entire table of drinks. FML
Today, it was the birth of my first child but it's been anything but a happy time because just a couple of days ago, my wife lost four relatives in a single day (both of her siblings, her father, and grandmother). Neither of us are excited about today at all. FML
Today, on our drive down to California to work on a contract worth 20k with my husband (we own our business and work together), he refused to spend $50 on RV parking, so we didn't get to sleep all night, all because it was hot and the rest-stop was scary. We have two young kids and a dog. FML
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