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The all-time greatest FMLs

Party pooped

By Anonymous - 13/04/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, it was my Sweet Sixteen. Only two of my friends showed up, and they spent the whole night texting their boyfriends. After several failed attempts to do something fun or even get them to talk to me, I got up and left the room, and didn't come back. They didn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 102

You ******* idiot

By Handuh15 - 31/05/2019 16:00

Today, I was babysitting with my best friend, watching my one-year-old cousin. We thought it would be funny to say a bunch of swear words in front of him, since he didn't know how to talk. Five minutes later, guess what his first word was? And guess who won't be invited over for a while? FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 3 302

Never forget

By Emma - 17/11/2023 10:00

Today, I found out my husband has been messaging younger girls on Tinder and trying to meet up. I asked him why he would do such a thing when we have a healthy sex life. His response was ,“They’re just hotter, just like that senior football player you cheated on me with in sophomore year high school.” We’re 40 now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 619

Uncanny valley

By bruv - 12/01/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my family for the first time. Everyone quickly pointed out how my girlfriend looks very much like my cousin. My girlfriend even agrees. That’s not what I was going off of when I first met her but now I’m having a hard time un-seeing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 131

I've changed my mind

By Fatima - 28/01/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I invited a guy I'd met online once to a concert of an artist we both like. His response was, “Well, it depends. Do you weigh less than when I first met you?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 156

Dumbass

By Anonymous - 20/01/2024 06:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to take my son to hospital because he had two Lego pieces up his nose. He’s 19 and shoved them up there because he was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 168

By Anonymous - 20/04/2009 17:55 - United States

Today, I was at the gynecologist and he was performing a routine check-up. He was a new doctor and I was just slightly uncomfortable with him. About mid-check-up, as he felt around my uterus, he said in a cartoonish voice, "Oh, it's so squishy up here." The doctor turned me into a sock puppet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 38

Bonkers

By Anonymous - 09/07/2025 12:00 - United States - Owensboro

Today, my wife had a dream that I cheated on her with a girl from my work named Marie. She told me that she wants me to quit my job and get a new one, just to avoid that from ever actually happening. There is nobody named Marie at my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 72

Short nap

By Anonymous - 10/09/2024 12:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, my girlfriend told me I could sleep in. Twenty minutes later, she was banging on the door, yelling, "Get up, fat lazy fuck! It's seven o'clock, we have chores! You expect me to do everything for your worthless ass!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 128

Dating is hell

By Anonymous - 24/03/2024 06:00 - United Kingdom

Today, the girl I’ve been trying to date not only agreed to a date, she invited me back to her place because the date went so well. We were kissing so hard, I struggled to breathe, I coughed, gagged, then vomited my seafood dinner all over her yellow sofa. It all went downhill from there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 223

FML Shitflix - Guess the Film!

By FML Approved - 11/07/2017 18:30 - France - Paris

We are pleased to introduce the latest addition to the FML video library: SHITFLIX! Listen carefully to the actors in this mashup of clips to figure out what movie they're describing. If you manage to guess right before the end, comment below!

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 162

#GirlBoss

By What the fuck - 07/06/2025 00:00 - United States - New York

Today, I caught my underage daughter selling naked pictures to internet sickos. Trying to stay calm, I asked her why. She said, "Should I go work at McDonald's for pennies? I've made over twelve grand in three months selling pictures of my tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 143

Spray it

By Anonymous - 13/02/2025 20:00

Today, one of the polyps in my husband's ass apparently burst because he farted in his sleep and sprayed blood all over the sheets and my legs, I thought he was dying. The ambulance took him away, but our daughter saw all the blood in our room and now won’t stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 103

By prevostsrocklike - 11/05/2009 12:38 - United States

Today, I gave my wife a cat. The first thing it did when it got out of the box was scratch the sh*t out of my leg. Next, it ran up to my wife and purred. She said, "Good cat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 84

By B_and_W - 21/11/2013 11:35 - France

Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 36

Odd family

By Anonymous - 15/03/2026 03:00

Today, my wife demanded a divorce because I returned custody of my nieces and nephew to my brother, who has spent the last few years recovering from a horrible car accident. My wife wanted us to keep and adopt them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 75

Hogwatch

By Anonymous - 05/12/2025 00:00

Today, I was once again berated by an idiotic parent. I’ve been called a filthy liberal, a groomer, and had my job threatened several times. All of this because I was teaching second graders about pronouns. You know, the part of English grammar that replaces a noun. Nothing political at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 119

Please let me get what I want this time

By Anonymous - 18/06/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I was asked where I wanted to eat for Father’s Day. Every year I say someplace with crab legs. So we ate Italian. Fifth year in a row. I paid for everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 172

Fanny flutters

By Crosby - 19/04/2024 16:00 - United States - Madison

Today, I was stuck with a coworker all morning while she had the "front farts." I moved to a different area after lunch, only to have another coworker start talking loudly about her boyfriend's skin tags, and how he likes to have her bite them off. I'm so disgusted but afraid to report it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 123

Corporate stooge

By Anonymous - 30/06/2025 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to tell a bald cancer patient that no, having cancer did not entitle her to a 100% discount on coffee. I felt like a douche for saying it, but I work at a well known coffee franchise and I’m not losing my job because someone wants free coffee, no matter how ill they are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 95

Autopilot

By Anonymous - 08/02/2024 12:00 - Canada

Today, after 4 months of severe depression, I finally found an antidepressant that works. The downside? I no longer have any interest or gain pleasure in any of my hobbies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 119

Road safety

By Anonymous - 03/03/2022 14:00 - United States - Nashville

Today, while driving to work, some asshole stopped sharply on the 60 mph highway because he almost hit the car in front of him. Even with maintaining my distance, and slamming on the brakes, I still ruined the front end of my car on his dented bumper. I haven't even had the car for a year, and I'm still the one at fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 1 051

Stank tank

By Anonymous - 30/07/2024 12:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I found out that I have a bacteria causing me to smell bad. For the last three years, strangers would say that I stink, I thought it was because I'm a smoker and they could smell cigarettes from my clothes, only to find out that people could smell my vagina through my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 306

He's a keeper

By Sabrina - 22/11/2023 14:00

Today, at our wedding reception, my new husband kept telling his buddies how he’s gonna “fuck my brains off” on our honeymoon and give me the best wedding gift ever - a pearl necklace on my chest. They all roared with laughter. He doesn’t understand why I’m upset and refusing to consummate our marriage right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 287

Who DOESN'T wear deodorant?

By mary - 01/11/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I was screamed at and called a "gross bitch" in front of my entire school for wearing deodorant when it’s less than 50 degrees outside. As if I could help the fact that I need deodorant year round… FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 108

Dealbreaker

By Megs - 05/03/2026 15:00

Today, I'm preparing to go through my second divorce, all because I don't want kids. Both of them agreed to no kids when we were dating, then changed their minds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 112

That's not how any of this works

By Anonymous - 24/10/2023 10:00

Today, I gave my hubby a hand massage as he's beginning to deal with carpal tunnel issues. He then proceeded to tell me, and I quote, "This is the consequences of not properly stretching as a young guy. I did stretch pussy though." FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 166

Treat yourself

By Anonymous - 06/05/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was attending a spa weekend that my husband got me, while he watches the kids. He'd swore he’d only call me in emergencies. So far he’s called me 18 times with questions on basic parenting like, "Where are the nappies?" and, "Can babies eat yoghurt?" Emergencies, sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 127

Proportional response

By Anonymous - 30/04/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, my pathetic wannabe influencer sister would not stop recording my kids, even though they and I told her not to. I finally snapped and smashed her phone and now she's threatening to press charges, and our parents are on her side. My kids are scared that they're going to be taken away from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 112

Thanks Grandma

By Anonymous - 11/04/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, my husband and I had to cancel our family Disney World trip because my mom stole and gambled away all of our spending money. Our kids are still crying and throwing tantrums and don't understand why we can't afford to go anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 86

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The Top

Today, while I was eating cereal, my mother thought it would be appropriate to grab the bowl and start spoon-feeding me while making airplane noises, again. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 384

You deserved it 8 798

Today, I started my research project on horror stories and people's fascination with them. I did some research and wound up reading H.P. Lovecraft. On the upside, I can now pee more easily. On the downside, it's likely to be in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 003

You deserved it 4 561

Today, I was talking to this guy I liked at work. He was flirting with me, and everything was going great, I was so happy, until he started talking non-stop about the extent of his foot fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 265

You deserved it 5 652

Today, I found out that shutting off the heat in the rental property my parents owned was a bad idea. The water froze and the pipes burst, causing the whole kitchen ceiling to fall down. The water ruined the wood floors and the appliances. I turned off the heat to save money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 053

You deserved it 37 374

Today, my date sent me a text saying, "I'm sorry we're running late, we will be there shortly." I replied asking what she meant by "we." She said her parents, who were coming along to chaperone. I laughed about two 27 year-olds having chaperones, until she walked in with her parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 553

You deserved it 3 434

Today, I still don’t know how to act in front of my mother in law. She thinks that the Earth is flat and told her kids that all sunscreens cause cancer. She also has other theories that make me feel weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 133