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Bad first impression

By Anonymous - 27/07/2026 20:00 - United States - Weatherford

Today, I got stung by a wasp a few hours before work. On my boob. I was in pain, so I took a bunch of Benadryl and wound up falling asleep. I woke up to my very sweet manager calling to see if I was dead. Oh, and to tell me that I'm getting a new manager. Who was trying to set up a meet and great with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 85

Panic

By Anonymous - 23/02/2026 09:00

Today, I was supposed to be on my way to Hawaii for a long-planned family vacation, but I had an anxiety attack that I couldn't explain. Now I'm lying in bed and crying, and my phone is blowing up with texts and calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 204

Hangry

By Anonymous - 18/03/2026 12:00

Today, I realized that my diet has gone completely bust. If I try to limit the amount of food that I eat, my stomach is growling and keeping me up at night, when my sugar isn't crashing and turning me into a food vacuum cleaner eating everything in sight. I'm not starving myself, I'm trying to control my portions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 93

Freud would have field day

By Anonymous - 10/11/2025 20:00

Today, I was about to hook up with my crush, but he turned out to have a micro penis and couldn’t even get it hard. Then I woke up. I can’t even get laid properly in my dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 135

Jammed

By Anonymous - 07/02/2026 15:00

Today, I pulled out of my parking lot to head to physical therapy and the alleyway was blocked by some traffic. I nudged over to allow a garbage truck to pull in and my passenger window shattered against a dumpster handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 92

My finest hour

By Christine - 01/01/2026 12:00

Today, I slipped while getting off a bus and caught myself dramatically on the handrail. As I spun around like a stripper, the bus driver stared as if I’d performed a stunt. I nodded like it was planned and walked away, limping slightly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 77

Kinda sus

By TheCarl - 02/12/2025 15:00

Today, Amazon delivered an item I need urgently for air travel later in the day. To the wrong address. From the photo, I could see which house they had delivered it to. They weren't home, but a camera was pointing at the item. My behaviour was indistinguishable from that of a porch pirate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 73

Just to be on the safe side

By Lenore - 02/02/2026 20:00

Today, we live in a tiny trailer. My doctor said I have celiac disease. My dad, who takes things too literally, came back with gluten-free dog food. I don’t even have a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 71

Line must go up

By Anonymous - 02/04/2026 15:00

Today, I'm due to be packing my hospital bag to give birth tomorrow before Easter weekend. Instead I'm answering client emails, and ignoring sarcastic colleague emails asking "Have you gone into labor yet?" as I haven't been fully responsive on text. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 91

The pros and cons

By Why am I feeling miserable? - 28/08/2025 15:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I finally got a job after nearly two years of unemployment. My boss is amazing, my coworkers are fun and helpful, and the pay is great. There's just one issue: it seems as though nothing can change the fact that I simply do not enjoy the job itself, even though I really thought I would. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 241

Just perfect

By Anonymous - 17/12/2025 15:00

Today, I finally told my boss that I need a week off to recharge; I presented dates, reasons, and felt brave. He nodded approvingly, then checked my calendar and asked, “Perfect, can you train the new hires that week?” I stared at my triumphant note then mourned my stolen week. Ugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 112

Bent out of shape

By Anonymous - 01/10/2025 15:00

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in months. I thought I was joining a “Beginner Yoga” class, but it turned out to be advanced hot yoga. I lasted six minutes before falling out of a pose, knocking over two water bottles, and crawling out of the room like a wounded crab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 124

Pushed it too far

By It was clean at least - 17/12/2025 20:00

Today, as we were getting ready for sex, I told my man to fuck my face, and it was great until he shoved my face in his ass, yelling, "Eat my ass! Eat it!" I had to explain that ass eating is not something I'm comfortable with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 152

Close call

By Anonymous - 08/01/2026 00:00

Today, I slipped on a wet floor in the grocery store. Instead of falling gracefully or quickly, I windmilled my arms for a few seconds while making direct eye contact with a toddler who looked genuinely impressed. I didn’t fall, but still… FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 92

Unsteady

By Anonymous - 09/05/2026 22:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I took my first yoga class ever. Everything was going fine until it was time to stand up from the floor. My knees made a sound like snapping wood, my balance disappeared, and I nearly took out the lady next to me while trying to recover. She helped me up like I was part of her family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 71

I'm so tired

By So tired - 19/06/2026 22:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I worked a night shift at the hospital so long that I started putting things in the wrong pockets. I realized at 4 a.m. that I had taken a patient’s pen, my own phone charger, and two packaged crackers home in my scrub top. I also left my badge in the fridge next to the milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 98

Wakey wakey

By Anonymous - 24/10/2025 20:00

Today, I was woken up by a bird screaming its guts out. My cat had somehow managed to catch a bird and bring it inside. My 9 a.m. morning began with trying to catch a bird in my own home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 108

Hot hot hot

By Anonymous - 28/05/2026 09:00 - United States - Center Line

Today, I walked to the grocery store despite being out of shape since it was typically only a 30 minute walk and gas prices are bad. The hourly temperature on my weather app was wrong as usual so by the time I got to the store, I was sweating buckets. By the time I got back home, I was so overheated I nearly threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 146

Extra layers

By wizard - 22/02/2026 22:00

Today, I've now lost two hundred pounds and learned that I actually do have a pretty decently-sized dick, it's just been buried under fat for most of my life. Too bad I'm 42 and nobody wants a damn thing to do with a 42 year-old virgin, unless you want to quote a stale Steve Carell movie and laugh at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 108

It's just harsh noise

By Anonymous - 29/06/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, I got to endure another "fun" team-building personality test. Like usual, it said I was defensive and using a belief that I can't follow conversations. I literally can't due to auditory processing issues. My coworkers keep assuring me it's safe to open up. Fuck psychology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 93

Ozempic pushers

By Anonymous - 16/09/2025 09:00

Today, my parents came for a visit and spent the whole time pressuring me to ask my doctor for medication to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 330

You deserved it 82

What is this?

By Not my dog - 23/07/2026 20:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I paid extra for priority shipping because I desperately needed my package before the weekend. It arrived on time. It was the wrong package. I'm now the proud owner of a dog raincoat. As in a raincoat for dogs. I don't own a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 330

You deserved it 73

Making plans for Nigel

By Anonymous - 28/03/2026 22:00

Today, my best friend, who is dying of cancer, named her younger brother as next of kin for her kids. He's like 19 and knows nothing about taking care of kids. I keep begging and pleading with her that I can take the kids, and that my wife and I are capable, but she says no. Only family can have her kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 205

I hope not

By Sarah - 24/06/2026 20:00 - United States - The Bronx

Today, I pooped my pants for the first time, ever. At least since I was a baby. I just turned 38; is this what getting older looks like? FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 82

EXPLAIN YOURSELF

By Anonymous - 11/09/2025 03:00

Today, I was summoned by the big boss and I was bricking myself waiting in his waiting room, wondering what job he wanted me to do, or if I’m getting fired. Turns out he heard I watch a lot of anime and wanted me to teach him about it so he can talk to his teenage daughter about her interests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 83

Not worth a divorce, but still…

By NotMyFault - 25/06/2026 09:00 - Germany

Today, my husband scraped his shin while trying to pull down our window blinds. He screamed and shouted at me, because it was "all my fault." How? I opened the blinds the day before, and rolled them up "too high." I'm staying married despite all this toxicity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 172

Father figure

By Anonymous - 30/07/2026 22:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I met a truck driver at my job and he gave me some fatherly advice. The whole time I was listening, I was also thinking like, why didn't my dad stay and want to be in my life? FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 56

Drip drip drip

By Anonymous - 19/04/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, I got a surprise when a drop of icy cold water hit the back of my neck. I wondered how this could be, as my dad had put in foam insulation on the pipes overhead in my room. It turns out there's one tiny spot that he couldn't insulate due to it being weirdly shaped and hard to reach, which is sweating now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 58

Slapstick

By Anonymous - 24/04/2026 22:00 - United States - Fontana

Today, I feel like I’m living in some horrible campy horror comedy. I was walking to the kitchen when my cat ran under my feet, causing me to trip and fall backward through my glass table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 76

Dude, come on…

By Gym Creeper - 16/10/2025 00:00

Today, I was doing squats in front of the gym's mirror. I noticed the guy next to me giving me weird looks. I assumed he was judging my form, until I realized I was standing in front of a wall of mirrors that reflected the women’s yoga class behind me. To everyone else, it looked like I was just staring at them while squatting aggressively. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 125

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The Top

Today, while trying to sleep, I kept hearing this groan/scream for help for about an hour. I decided to call 911 to send someone to investigate. Police came, I received a $100 parking fine and another citation for improper use of 911. The noise? Just a dog howling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 649

You deserved it 13 275

Today, I came to school late because I had to drop off my daughter at school. When I got on campus, the security told me I was late but I said, "Oh no, I work here." and he said, "Oh like I haven't heard that one before." And he took me to detention. My boss, the Principal, had to bail me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 568

You deserved it 3 272

Today, I found out I will not be moving back to California. My mom told me we were going to go on a 2 month vacation to see family in India. She decided we are staying for good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 265

You deserved it 301

Today, I was masturbating when my dad came into my room to say goodnight. He leaned down over my bed, paused, and said, "What's that smell? It's like... oh." His face dropped and he left the room. I don't think he'll ever see me the same way again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 595

You deserved it 1 165

Today, my family is supposed to be enjoying a day with my in-laws. The drawback? I have to spend time with my stepmom-in-law who is a conspiracy theorist, and my stepsister-in-law who has an unvaccinated 3 year-old who’s been sick a lot lately and looks like death. I have a 4 year-old and a newborn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 132

You deserved it 317

Today, as I was sitting at a bus stop, I spilled Pepsi on my shirt while texting my friend about how clumsy people are, after seeing someone walk into a trash can. Irony isn’t dead, but my dignity is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 579