The Top · The top of the year

Anonymous · 3 July 2026, 12:00 ·Covington, United States 🌶️ Spicy

It's not a phase, Mom

Today, my mom found my sketchbook full of realistic dicks. She woke me up to show me with concern, and the page she showed as an example was specifically someone getting a handjob. For context, I draw lewd stuff for the laughs, and being an artist just makes it not work out in my favor. She now thinks I am a perv. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169 You deserved it 403

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Anonymous · 17 September 2026, 15:00 ·Addis Ababa, Ethiopia

My love

Today, I accidentally sent an email of love confession to my best friend, just to find out she calls all of her friends "My love" and my dumbass thought it was a special word she used only for me, and was convinced we were gay for each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169 You deserved it 316

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Anonymous · 16 June 2026, 09:00 ·United Kingdom

You can't hide forever

Today, I needed a pee while my dad was painting the bathroom and of course he warned me to not touch the wet paint. I started to pee and for maybe the third time in my whole life I did a two stream piss; one into the bowl and one all over the wet paint. I’m writing this hiding in my treehouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169 You deserved it 313

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Anonymous · 12 June 2026, 09:00 ·United Kingdom

Cyrano

Today, my friends fancy each other and keep secretly asking me to write their sext messages. I'm essentially carrying on both sides of their sexy talk with myself, only I won’t be the one getting laid. Sometimes wish I was lesbian too, arranging a threesome between us would be easier than this FML

I agree, your life sucks 169 You deserved it 269

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Older men, ew · 3 March 2026, 09:00

Terminally online

Today, a much older guy hit on me with the line, "Hey, Gen Z boss in a mini!" Ew, get away grampa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169 You deserved it 302

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Anonymous · 5 October 2026, 15:00 ·Eugene, United States

Timeline

Today, I watched four episodes of Frasier at my mom’s house and now my algorithm is all Frasier facts and memes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168 You deserved it 158

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Anonymous · 27 December 2025, 09:00

Move on

Today, I bought a guy I’ve liked for months a Christmas present and expressed how much he meant to me. He said, “Lol, thanks.” He then went on a date with another girl. Apparently, being loving and caring towards guys gets you used and rejected. My lover girl era is now over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168 You deserved it 562

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Anonymous · 24 January 2026, 00:00

Spurt

Today, while I was trying to put my high fluoride toothpaste on my toothbrush, I miscalculated the pressure and ended up squirting a massive glob all over the bathroom cabinet and a rug that was on the floor. My stepmom says if we can't get the bleach stain out of the brown rug, I'm going to have to replace it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168 You deserved it 321

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no fucking camping!!!! · 13 August 2026, 12:00 ·Montreal, Canada

Return to nature

Today, my dad announced that to "save money", instead of going to the beach we will be going camping. My brothers thought it was awesome. I can't stand the thought. Instead of a sexy golden tan, I now get bug bites, pit toilets, and bear attacks! Ugh! FML

I agree, your life sucks 168 You deserved it 386

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Rico · 20 May 2026, 00:00 ·United States

Social butterfly

Today, an attractive coworker complimented my cologne in the elevator, so naturally I tried to respond smoothly. Instead of saying, “Thanks, it’s new” I somehow combined two thoughts and blurted out, “Thanks, I’m sweating.” We rode the remaining twelve floors in intense silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167 You deserved it 273

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Anonymous · 27 November 2025, 03:00

Prepare for trouble

Today, I was walking in the street, and ahead of me was a girl with a flowing dress. It was windy and the dress lifted up, showing for a split second Pokemon underwear. Before I could stop myself, I said: "Pikachu, I see you." She turned around and slapped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167 You deserved it 687

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Shirlz · 22 December 2025, 15:00

I'm gonna head out

Today, I answered a question in a meeting that wasn’t directed at me. I spoke for way too long before realizing everyone was silent because the question had actually been rhetorical. My boss nodded slowly and moved on. No one mentioned it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167 You deserved it 356

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Anonymous · 18 December 2025, 22:00

Bonus

Today, I finally got a bonus virtual gift card in my email that was thrown in for buying a new mattress. Except I've never used a virtual gift card before, I only have the vaguest idea as to how to use it. I actually googled how to use it because I was so clueless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 166 You deserved it 255

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sammy · 11 January 2026, 20:00

Third wheel

Today, and since 2026 started, my two friends began liking each other and I'm very happy for them. The problem? They get so close (literally and figuratively) that they do things that make me feel left out (both subjectively and objectively). Everyone says it's normal, but when I was in love I never did that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 166 You deserved it 288

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+1 staff of ENDLESS TALKING · 27 December 2025, 00:00

All dungeon, no dragon

Today, I went to a public tabletop RPG session, excited to finally try it out. It was full of a bunch of fucking theater kids that wanted to be friends with everything and not fight. Four interminable hours later, I finally escaped from the Chamber of Boredom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 165 You deserved it 344

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Ethan · 4 December 2025, 12:00

First impressions

Today, my boss introduced a new hire and said, “You two will get along great.” I tried to make small talk, tripped over the recycling bin, and spilled paper everywhere. The new hire said, “So… is this, like, normal around here?” Unfortunately, yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 165 You deserved it 260

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James · 7 January 2026, 22:00

Fear factor

Today, I put my son on a ladder and told him to help me get down the Christmas lights to force him to face his terrible fear of heights. He cried for a good ten minutes, then started to calm himself down, just in time for my wife to run out screaming, "GET HIM OFF THAT LADDER!" Now he's even more scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 165 You deserved it 605

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Unmerry xmas · 26 December 2025, 09:00

Guess not

Today, at a Christmas party, I chatted up a hot girl. She acted indifferent and uninterested so I took the hint and stopped. Moments later, another guy chats her up and they seemingly hit it off. At the end of the party, I heard her brag to her friends how they exchanged numbers. I guess I’m not good enough for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 164 You deserved it 579

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Bad at adulting · 4 December 2025, 15:00

Preppers, man

Today, I attempted meal prepping to “get my life together.” Within an hour I'd burned rice, melted a plastic spatula, and discovered I’d seasoned chicken with powdered sugar instead of salt. My smoke alarm and my stomach filed complaints. FML

I agree, your life sucks 164 You deserved it 372

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Anonymous · 6 September 2026, 22:00 ·Charlotte, United States

Higher learning

Today, I’ve returned to college in my thirties because I was finally ready to commit to a program of study. Unfortunately, I have zero organizational or time management skills at this point in my life and I can’t keep up with deadlines. I waited all this time just to crash and burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 163 You deserved it 297

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Anonymous · 7 November 2025, 20:00 🌶️ Spicy

Flop era

Today, I got the chance to hook up with the girl of my dreams, but I had whiskey d*ck and couldn't perform. I'm so embarrassed and now she's not messaging back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 162 You deserved it 351

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Anonymous · 18 October 2026, 12:00 ·United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

Manly man

Today, I think my new girlfriend has a “man cleaning the house” fetish because when she saw me doing laundry for the first time at her house, she thanked me, then did porno type stuff to me in the living room. She now keeps asking to watch me clean naked, which I don’t find sexy at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 162 You deserved it 115

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Anonymous · 23 February 2026, 03:00

Jumping the gun

Today, I canceled our wedding that was scheduled for tomorrow because my fiancee's father passed away unexpectedly this morning. She got furious when I told her, because she still wanted to go through with it, and said that her dad would have wanted us to. Now she's not speaking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 161 You deserved it 695

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Anonymous · 23 June 2026, 00:00 ·United Kingdom

The old ball and chain

Today, I realised I may need to work on my marriage when I saw my husband in public, laughing and smiling with his coworkers, then when he saw me his smile disappeared and he stood up like a tired old man to come and speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 161 You deserved it 466

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Melissa · 14 July 2026, 22:00 ·San Diego, United States

Desperate times

Today, I got a criminal record and a court date, all because I’m a single mom struggling to pay rent and feed my 3 kids, and I was desperate enough to trust a random man who told me to cash a fraudulent check. He dropped me off at the bank and ghosted me when I was being interrogated and booked by the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160 You deserved it 589

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Jim · 9 December 2025, 22:00

No more phone calls for today

Today, I blurted out “Love you, bye!” at the end of a professional phone call. There was a long pause before he replied, “Uh… thank you for your help?” My coworkers heard everything. I'm now scared of my work phone ringing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160 You deserved it 254

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Nervous · 4 December 2025, 03:00

Office supplies

Today, during a Zoom meeting, I tried to discreetly mute myself before yelling at my printer for jamming again. I wasn’t muted. My whole team listened as I threatened a piece of office equipment with violence. My boss suggested therapy for “Printer anger.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 160 You deserved it 406

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Anonymous · 30 November 2025, 20:00 🌶️ Spicy

Talk saucy to me

Today, as my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I asked him if he was going to fuck my brains out and make me his dumb little cock sleeve. He said, "That's kind of degrading, isn't it?" Instant mood kill. Never date a man who can't talk dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159 You deserved it 396

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Elyri · 4 February 2026, 22:00

No fun allowed

Today, my husband came home and groped my ass, so I tossed cold water into his face to make him back off. He's now acting like I sprayed him with toxic acid waste now. What a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158 You deserved it 927

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Anonymous · 19 December 2025, 12:00

Wakey wakey

Today, I went to bed early, feeling responsible. At 2 a.m., I woke up in a panic because I forgot to set my alarm. While fixing it, I actually turned it off completely. I overslept, missed work, and proved once again that I should never trust myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158 You deserved it 308

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