Today, we had to cancel a Disney vacation we had spent thousands of non-refundable dollars planning for over a year because our oldest son tested positive for COVID and we couldn't find anyone to leave him with on such short notice. My other kids are heartbroken. FML
Today, my asswipe coworker yet again microwaved some disgusting fish dish at work, stinking out the break room for days. If we say anything, he runs to HR and complains of "racism" and "hostile work environment." God, I sound like a disgusting Trump-sucker. FML
Today, my husband enrolled our daughter for a dance event, even though I was against it. I told him before he enrolled that I couldn't take her to practice or the event in this cold, as I can't drive while he's driving our car. He went for a trip with his friends, so guess who's standing in the cold outside dance practice… FML
Today, I accidentally gave myself a black eye. I would laugh about it if my friends didn't start suspecting that my husband is abusing me, and won't listen when I try to explain what really happened. FML
Today, I have both gout and diabetic neuropathy, meaning my feet are both too numb to feel pain while also being too painful to walk. It is not a fun sensation. Not at all. FML
Today, my mom once again told me that I'm too young and immature to get married, and that I don't know what love is. I'm 29, have a successful career, own my own home, and am financially stable. FML
Today, I told my husband I was horny and wanted to get it on. He agreed but first he had to finish the chapter he was reading, watch his show on Netflix, argue with strangers on Facebook, then do his workout. He had the nerve to cop an attitude when I was no longer in the mood. FML
Today, for Valentine's Day, my husband spent all day promising me romance and a good dicking. Instead, his boss hit him with emergency overtime, our romance was defrosted lasagna, and he fell asleep during the dicking so I had to crawl out from under him and watch TV alone. I hate his boss. FML
Today, I told my husband that I didn't think our marriage was going to survive our stillbirth, and that we should get divorced. He said, "No way. We're going to marriage and grief counseling and not giving up on our marriage." He just doesn't understand that I blame myself so much and want to set him free. FML
Today, I found out my most attractive co-worker has a crush on me. I'm 53. She's 16.. FML
Today, I greeted a customer with my usual “Hi, how are you?” She started telling me, in detail, about the terrible day she was having, job stress, family issues, everything. I stood there for 10 minutes listening because I didn’t want to be rude. At the end, she sighed, “Thanks, I’m not buying anything today” and left. FML
Today, I learned that my wife lets our son play video games while I'm at work to "keep him out of her hair." We had agreed that he was forbidden from gaming until his grades came up, but apparently she can't be bothered to actually parent. FML
Today, my mom and I were running late for school, and she got pretty stuck in the snow so she asked me to dig her out. Then she ran over my foot. As I got into the car and blamed her for what she'd done, she shouted at me that she couldn't care less, and that we had to hurry. FML
Today, I realized how friendless and lonely I am. I cried this morning as I recalled my older (20 to my 16) brother visiting last weekend. He began his visit by hugging me and saying, "I love you sis', thanks for letting me be your brother." His affection to me is the only hug someone not my parents has given me in two years. FML
Today, I yawned and broke a front tooth. Yes, you read that correctly. I did a big yawn, my jaw suddenly hurt, I felt something crack and half my tooth fell into my lasagna. FML
Today, out of nowhere, several spam calls started calling my cellphone number. Every single one of them about health insurance. I didn't know why they were calling me or how they got my number. After a bit of questioning, it turns out my dumb dad used my name and cellphone number while trying to look for info. FML
Today, the man I loved broke up with me, because he felt like his feelings for me were not enough for a serious relationship. As much as I'm thankful that he didn't drag me along, this hurts like hell. FML
Today, I’ve lived in my apartment for more than five years and never had more than the occasional housefly. Three months after I got new downstairs neighbors I’ve been hit with a massive roach infestation, and they decided to bring their lovely ant friends with them. FML
Today, I’m a recent immigrant and finally felt confident enough to make a joke at work in my second language. During a meeting, I meant to say, “This deadline is tight,” but I said, “This deadline is aggressive.” The room went silent. My manager slowly replied, “The deadline is not mad at you.” FML
Today, I had to listen and take in another one of my mom's litanies. She can't understand why my brother violently reacts to her every time she tells him to "let go and move on" and get over his wife's death. She also can't understand why that's not a good way to start a conversation with him to ask him if she could borrow some money. FML
Today, my husband declared that since our youngest son happened to be born on our anniversary, we no longer needed to celebrate. He reasoned that it would be “wrong” to make his special day about us. Truth is he’s just a cheap unromantic sod. FML
Today, on my second shift at my job, I was fired for “ruining the communication of coworkers” AKA I don’t speak Spanish. This was known before I was hired and I live in California. FML
Today, I walked into my hotel room, took off my coat and started unpacking. Ten minutes later, an older couple walked in, holding luggage. I'd gone into THEIR room. The receptionist gave me the wrong fob. They were surprisingly calm, but I had to explain why I’d already used one of their towels. FML
Today, I woke up to find myself permanently banned from Discord for “minimum age requirements.” I’m 20. Yesterday, someone on Discord DM’d me asking me how many eggs were in a dozen and I answered by saying 12, and the next day my account is banned. Discord will not reinstate my account, even after appealing the ban. FML
Today, I have scoliosis, neck compensation, TMJ osteoarthritis, a small brain lesion, unilateral hearing loss in left ear, malocclusion dentally/skeletally, pelvic issues, knee issues, gait/feet/leg issues, asymmetric looks and aesthetic issues, and struggling with hobbies/entertainment because of hearing issues. FML
Today, in protest at my girlfriend stealing the blankets every night, I actually bought myself a separate duvet. She stole that one too in her sleep, wrapped it round herself, and turned over so many times it disappeared under her somewhere. I went and slept on the sofa in my dressing gown. FML
Today, while on vacation, I met up with a friend I have been playing with online for years in person. She took me to her place and introduced me to her family. Her mom gave me a judging look, and her first and only words to me were, "You ain't getting your green card from her!" as she condescendingly walked away. FML
Today, I came home to see five teens, my kitchen counters covered in an assortment of greens and berries, and a camera. They were filming themselves stuffing their faces for what they called the “leaky butt challenge”, trying to see if any of them caught the bug. FML
Today, I attended my half-sister's wedding but no one had told me the venue was a converted barn with temporary outdoor gazebos on the fields of a working farm, so while everyone else, including the bride, attended in jeans and wellies, I rocked up in three inch heels, and yes I fell over. FML
Today, I got contacted by an arm-chair detective do-gooder who was convinced my dad is a serial killer. I asked around and it turns out the do-gooder is actually prime suspect for a local murder and dismemberment. FML
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