The Top · The top of the year

Anonymous · 20 April 2026, 22:00 ·Concord, United States 🌶️ Spicy

You learn something new every day

Today, after 40+ years of marriage, I got Peyronie's disease. Thankfully, the missus is understanding. After months of treatment, the painful bend is a bit less so, but the scar tissue that causes the bend also does not expand. Because of this, I have lost a full 5 cm / 2 inches in length when erect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 390 You deserved it 95

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annairb · 7 January 2026, 03:00

Oddly specific

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I order meat well done. He's the third guy to do this. Just the thought of eating undercooked meat makes me gag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389 You deserved it 358

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Blue balls forever · 8 December 2025, 20:00 🌶️ Spicy

Never? Never ever?

Today, I tried to talk to my wife about our lack of sex lately. Apparently, her therapist told her that her high libido and eagerness to experiment came from her early childhood issues, so now she's working through her trauma and will never want sex again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389 You deserved it 112

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Anonymous · 27 July 2026, 22:00 ·United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

High maintenance

Today, I accidentally farted during my orgasm with this new woman I’ve been seeing. She said she’s not into that sort of thing, and no matter how I tried to explain it was just an accident, she asked me to leave, and that she’d call me, maybe, if she can forgive me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389 You deserved it 110

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Anonymous · 10 May 2026, 00:00 ·Cranbrook, Canada

Bad mom

Today, because of my mom going on a drunken adventure, I now have a FBI file. I'm Canadian and my birth certificate proves I wasn't even alive when she pulled this stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388 You deserved it 50

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Anonymous · 26 September 2026, 15:00 ·Fort Worth, United States

Not helping

Today, my job interview got canceled. I later found out it's because my sister got the brilliant idea to go talk to the manager to "advocate" for me, and they thought I put her up to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388 You deserved it 65

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Anonymous · 8 November 2025, 09:00

Buddy boy

Today, at the park, a toddler ran up to me yelling “Daddy!” and hugged my legs. Trying to be nice, I patted his head and said, “Hey, buddy, I’m not your dad.” His actual dad appeared behind me, wearing the same shirt, same haircut, and looked at me like I’d just tried to kidnap his child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388 You deserved it 51

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Anonymous · 27 March 2026, 22:00

Atomic family

Today, I found out that my dad and mom, who just passed away, were never married and that my siblings and I weren't actually his. Now there's the very real possibility that we could be taken away. I'll die if that happens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388 You deserved it 65

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Brenna · 15 December 2025, 03:00

Wicked

Today, I was giving my fiancé some change from my wallet. When I went to hand it to him, he was standing a few feet away from me, so in my best witch voice I said, “Come closer, my child.” Then he got really offended and embarrassed because he thought I was making fun of the size of his junk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388 You deserved it 91

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FutureDishwasher · 29 July 2026, 22:00 ·Denver, United States

You know it when you see it

Today, I'm reviewing articles for a medical journal. The stuff submitted that was partially written by AI is such utter crap, I have to take a break every 30 minutes so I don't kill myself or tell the authors they're morons. It actually makes me miss being a minimum wage dishwasher in summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388 You deserved it 74

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Anonymous · 27 November 2025, 15:00

Make it make sense

Today, I was told it is "fatphobic" to "assume someone's weight is related to their food choices" and that I have a "problematic relationship with food." All because I didn't want to eat a bigger slice of the cake someone brought in at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388 You deserved it 71

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Anonymous · 23 November 2025, 20:00 🌶️ Spicy

Always prepared

Today, I was going to have my first overnight with the guy I’ve been seeing. Upon learning I'd packed my own condoms, he told me it was vulgar, unladylike, and suspicious that I had them. When I pointed out that he had condoms, he said, “Well yeah I’m a guy. I’m supposed to have those.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 387 You deserved it 94

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Brendon · 5 November 2025, 15:00

Spooky season ain't over

Today, I came home and heard the shower running. Assuming my roommate was in there, I yelled, “Don’t use up all the hot water!” Then my roommate walked in with groceries. I froze. The shower stopped. The bathroom was empty. Now I have to move out or start charging rent to a ghost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 387 You deserved it 97

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Angie · 6 January 2026, 09:00

Bulked up

Today, my mother-in-law invited herself to my house to cook lunch. I'm postpartum, depressed, and nursing a two-week old. She fed me four small shrimp and a handful of macaroni. This is what I'll be eating for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 387 You deserved it 79

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Anonymous · 20 July 2026, 15:00 ·Woking, United Kingdom

Man's best friend

Today, I have a dog I got to help motivate me to keep active and prevent the worsening of my chronic pain and limited mobility. My dog just got diagnosed with chronic pain and limited mobility. Misery likes company, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 387 You deserved it 62

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Anonymous · 27 May 2026, 03:00 ·United Kingdom

Harsh but fair

Today, I didn’t get a job I wanted because my interviewer claimed the music he heard coming from my car showed I was clearly unsuited to their professional work environment. I’ve got young kids, it’s not my fault my playlists are littered with songs from Disney, cartoons, and anime. FML

I agree, your life sucks 387 You deserved it 118

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Fuck you bitch · 25 June 2026, 22:00 ·Montreal, Canada

Old school internet athiest

Today, I yet again had to endure one of my patients talking about how their "faith in God" helped them. No bitch, the MEDICINE helped you, not your fake "God" who hates queer people like me. I wish I could yank your IV and see how much help "God" is to you then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 387 You deserved it 627

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Next, please · 19 February 2026, 15:00

Unacceptable behavior

Today, a company who interviewed me by phone for 15 minutes rejected my application, even though I passed a video portion previously. The first question was, "Tell us about yourself without talking about your work qualifications," and I talked about my daughter, skiing, and making sourdough bread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 387 You deserved it 88

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Anonymous · 7 October 2026, 15:00 ·United Kingdom

Old banger

Today, I went shooting with my dad and he brought his grandfather's rifle with him. I’ve never shot it before and he told me to be careful with it. The bullet exploded, ruptured the barrel, cut my face, and made me deaf in one ear. Dad still blamed me for “not shooting it properly.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 387 You deserved it 116

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Anonymous · 30 July 2026, 20:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

You swap what?

Today, my boyfriend let me in on a little family secret. His brothers often swap girlfriends and wives. They insist it’s not weird because the siblings themselves aren’t doing anything together, just the in-laws. It’s still too close for comfort and too weird to ignore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386 You deserved it 82

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Anonymous · 14 May 2026, 09:00 ·United Kingdom

Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think

Today, my moms are driving me mad. My biological mom, a therapist, keeps telling me I need to try new things because life is short. My non-biological mom, a doctor, keeps telling me everything new I want to try has health risks that will shorten my life even further. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386 You deserved it 76

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Damn, Apple Worshippers! · 2 February 2026, 12:00

Quibbles

Today, my dad's girlfriend's adult son not only questions, but also mocks and spits on my poor choices in life. All because I got an ROG 9 Pro rather than an iPhone. He claims his iPhone 12 is far more superior, brandishing its features biblically while pointing out the flaws of mine like blasphemy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386 You deserved it 100

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Jfc stella · 3 July 2026, 22:00 ·Montreal, Canada

My lifestyle choices

Today, I looked at my daughter's bank statements after she came to us in tears, crying that she was struggling financially. She orders Uber Eats five times a week. When I pointed this out, she said that she has to order out because cooking makes her want to kill herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386 You deserved it 117

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Worthless · 16 December 2025, 22:00

Paralysed

Today, I sat on the sofa for eleven hours, paralyzed with anxiety. When my husband got home, nothing was done. We ate cold sandwiches off paper plates. Now he has to catch up on everything and I feel so useless I could just cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386 You deserved it 247

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Later! · 6 February 2026, 03:00

Can't catch a break

Today, I’m a night-shift nurse and finally had a rare morning off. I set 3 alarms so I wouldn’t miss my dentist appointment. I slept through all of them, woke up at noon with my phone on 2% battery, and I’d missed the appointment. The reschedule fee is more than my hourly wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386 You deserved it 114

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Depressed af · 6 February 2026, 09:00

Let it out

Today, I'd built up the courage to talk to my doctor about anxiety, even rehearsing what to say. When she asked, “So what brings you in today?” I immediately burst into tears, said, “I don’t know,” then apologized for crying. She handed me tissues and said, “This happens a lot,” which somehow made me cry harder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386 You deserved it 107

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Frederik · 12 November 2025, 03:00

You absolure freak

Today, I woke up to my roommate glaring at me. Apparently, I was sleep-talking again, but last night I apparently shouted, “You’ll never find the bodies!” multiple times. He’s been sleeping with his door locked since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385 You deserved it 111

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and then drunk dialed me · 5 April 2026, 12:00 ·San Jose, United States

It's all in the game

Today, after seven months of my supporting him, including paying all the bills, cleaning the house, and cooking, my unemployed "aspiring rapper" boyfriend finally got paid for his music. Did he buy me something nice? No, he called his boys to hit the club and pissed away everything he'd earned and then some. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385 You deserved it 308

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Anonymous · 8 July 2026, 09:00 ·Bridgeport, United States

Thanks, I hate it!

Today, a friend temporarily staying at my house with his cats scared one of them into my basement, where the cat then climbed up within the walls to somewhere on the second floor. He then left as he was on a deadline to get to TN by a specific time. He told me I could keep his cat, who is stuck somewhere in a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385 You deserved it 66

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Denali · 27 June 2026, 15:00 ·Denver, United States

Get out of there

Today, I overheard my mother saying that it is “physically painful” for her not to be mean to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385 You deserved it 74

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