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Mommy needs a break

By Anonymous - 29/04/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, my husband and I had a huge fight because I booked us on an adults-only Virgin Voyages cruise for our anniversary. I love him, but he wants every single vacation to be a family vacation with our kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 408

You deserved it 209

Opt out

By Anonymous - 29/05/2026 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, on our first wedding anniversary, my husband confessed that he had tried to leave me at the altar and only went through with it due to my dad, brothers, whiskey, and drowsy cold medicine, but now tat he’s given it the old college try and lasted a whole year, he wants a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 66

Tight fit

By Jeliss - 15/08/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, my husband says money is tight. Apparently, we can’t afford new shoes for our son who is going back to school next week and we barely have food in the pantry and fridge, yet he pays $19.99/month for an OnlyFans subscription. FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 86

Infinite sadness

By Wife of a baby - 09/09/2026 12:00 - United States - Newport News

Today, my husband has been drunk and miserable for days. Not due to a death in the family, or losing a job, or anything normal, no. He has been diagnosed with Alpha-Gal allergies and can no longer eat red meat. He's crying because he "will never taste steak again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 301

You deserved it 133

Great guy

By Uglee - 16/09/2025 03:00

Today, I asked out a guy after having feelings for him for more than a year now. He told me, “Ugh, if only I could take your personality and put it on a different face and body.” When I asked him, “Why, is just my personality not enough?” He responded, “You can’t really have sex with a personality.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 156

You have been warned

By stay away from my balls! - 16/04/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, I went to the farm my girlfriend's parents live on. She was showing me around the barn when she picked up a tool and said, "We used this to castrate the goats… and I'll use it on you if you piss me off." FML

I agree, your life sucks 315

You deserved it 136

That was fun

By Anonymous - 23/04/2026 22:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I was babysitting and told the kid we’d make pancakes from scratch. I mixed everything, poured the batter, and waited. They never set. I'd forgot to add flour. The kid looked at the pan, then at me, and said, “Is this soup?” I ordered pizza and tried to spin it as a “fun cooking experiment.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 342

NO HITTING

By jimma - 29/05/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, my wife and I had a huge fight that ended with her taking my son and going to her mother's. What happened? I caught him playing with the knobs on the GAS STOVE for the third time and spanked him for it. He's been told not to play with those many times already, and I'm scared he's gonna start a fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 187

My lifestyle choices

By Jfc stella - 03/07/2026 22:00 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I looked at my daughter's bank statements after she came to us in tears, crying that she was struggling financially. She orders Uber Eats five times a week. When I pointed this out, she said that she has to order out because cooking makes her want to kill herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 116

What is wrong with you?

By Anonymous - 11/07/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, my husband came to me with a proposition. He asked in all honesty if he could please have a one-time pass to have sex with someone else. He said that she’s a virgin and it’s always been his dream, and something every man deserves in this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 124

Busted

By PhuckedUpppo - 14/10/2025 22:00

Today, I’m getting a divorce because apparently, when you send your now soon-to-be ex wife a live photo and she presses on it, you can hear your mistress speaking in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 1 379

Must stay productive

By Anonymous - 19/01/2026 12:00

Today, I experienced my third day in a row with visual aura causing a migraine. I informed my safety and human resources departments, who both offered help. When I went to tell my supervisor, she told me that women experience this all the time and I need to learn to deal with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 429

You deserved it 84

Get me the hell out of there

By Anonymous - 25/04/2026 20:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, I found out that I have to appear in juvenile court because I kept running away from home. I kept running away because my stepdad beats my mom and she won't do anything about it. They said I might have to go to detention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 483

You deserved it 57

Be a better parent

By Anonymous - 27/04/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, I confronted my boyfriend’s bitch of an ex about why she won’t let him see their kids. She laughed hysterically then showed me screenshots of all the times she offered to drop them off and the excuses he made. An hour later, she dropped three kids at our door and stopped answering her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 779

Back to the 9 to 5

By Anonymous - 22/05/2026 12:00 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, I got the biopsy results from a weird mole I had removed. It's completely harmless, and I have nothing to worry about. My first reaction was disappointment, because I'll have to keep going to work instead of starting cancer treatment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 220

You deserved it 293

The work wife

By Anonymous - 16/06/2026 12:00 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I found out that my favorite female coworker was in a car accident. When I told my girlfriend, her only reaction was to roll her eyes and sarcastically say, "Oh no." She then immediately, and very enthusiastically, asked if the accident killed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 290

You deserved it 330

Invaded

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff

Today, I put solar lights in my yard to finally figure out what my dog has been chasing over the fence at night. It's rats. She's been chasing rats that have invaded my backyard every night for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 578

You deserved it 205

Involontary caregiver

By Caretaker - 06/10/2025 00:00

Today, I got word that my aunt has dementia and will be moving into our big family estate. And just like with my grandpa, grandma, great-aunt, great-uncle, other grandma, father, and uncle, I will be expected to put my life on hold and be her primary caretaker. I never got my own life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 108

Never do this

By Anonymous - 09/10/2025 15:00

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend at the museum where we met, with a violinist playing her favourite song. She said yes but later said she felt put on the spot in public, and if I’d proposed in private, she probably would've said no. I’m in my feelings trying not to cry right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 465

Acceptance

By I hate myself - 22/11/2025 00:00

Today, my mom sternly told me that she would no longer make doctor's appointments for me, since I need to do them myself. I've been staring at the phone for thirty minutes, crying from anxiety. I'm 27 and the most pathetic man alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 252

You deserved it 540

A new path emerges…

By Elise - 25/11/2025 15:00

Today, I'm upset by my dating life. I want to be with a man romantically, but none I've met so far have worked out. Too dumb or boring or mean, so I've tried some dating sites. All my matches were with women, so I went on a date with one to "find out." Is it good or bad that I liked her more than any man so far? FML

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 361

Bled dry

By Anonymous - 11/12/2025 15:00

Today, my ex-husband stopped paying his child support so when I phoned to threaten him with lawyers, he didn’t care. Apparently, he lost his job months ago and has been paying me out of his savings, but now he has absolutely nothing left I can take away from him. Now I feel bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 177

You deserved it 538

Dumb it down

By Petra - 31/12/2025 00:00

Today, after I lectured my family at Christmas dinner about how schools are indoctrination centers, I'm now helping my kid with homework every night and realizing I don’t understand half of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 774

Trapped

By Anonymous - 19/01/2026 15:00

Today, I realized I'm in a horribly toxic marriage. My wife offered to let me sleep in, and my first thought was, "This is a trap, in thirty minutes she'll be yelling at me for being lazy." I tested it. Yup, it was a trap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 78

No fun

By Get your kink on - 23/01/2026 03:00

Today, I asked my husband what he'd think of a threesome. He said, "The fun wouldn't be worth the stress, it's a drama bomb waiting to happen." What a bore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 663

Bougie

By Eric - 05/03/2026 00:00

Today, my girlfriend showed me a Louis Vuitton bag and asked if I could buy it for her. I told her I don’t have that kind of money. She said, “That wasn’t my question; my question was, could you buy it?” I said, “No.” She then said, “Broke and lacks listening skills. I’m better off.” Four years down the drain over a purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 589

You deserved it 108

Masterful gambit

By what just happened - 13/03/2026 22:00

Today, a cute guy asked me out for coffee. I like him but didn't want it to be easy, so I said, "Coffee dates are for broke bums, aim a little higher." He said, "Aight I will, peace out" and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 1 422

Happy birthday, huh?

By Jim - 09/04/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, it's was my birthday. My wife did not get me anything or do anything for me. Instead, she said, "I'll knock an extra day off your sex ban." Sadly, this is probably the nicest thing she's done for my birthday in several years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 140

The sound of silence

By hearing too much - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, the walls in my house are so thin that I heard my roommate yell from the bathroom upstairs, "Hear my butthole roar." Now I’m scared to use the bathroom after him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 072

You deserved it 293

Worst friend

By Cass - 20/04/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, my best friend announced that he has a girlfriend now and we’ll be interacting less often. When I protested, he said, “Why are you acting like this? You rejected me when I asked you to be my girlfriend and told me we were just friends, did you not?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 911

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The Top

Today, I was at the mall shoplifting when a girl who looked my age pointed to a shirt I had in my bag. "Stole that, huh?" she asked smiling. She looked pretty cool, so I nodded and asked if she stole the jeans she was wearing, which were from the same store. Turns out she didn't, she's the manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 426

You deserved it 539 928

Today, my new girlfriend gave me head for the first time. It was so good, I swear she sucked my soul into another dimension! I was snapped back to earth by the thought that no one sucks that good without years and years of practice. Now I can’t stop thinking about all the other dicks she’s sucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 231

You deserved it 1 914

Random

Today, the highlight of my day was a conversation about Disney, which ranged from Pocahontas lunch boxes to Disneyland Paris. I don't know who was more excited; me, a 20 year-old man, or the 6 year-old girl I was talking to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 794

You deserved it 8 181

Today, my wife asked me to pop an ingrown hair near her crotch. We haven't had sex since last September. Popping her ingrown hair was the closest I've gotten to my wife's vagina in nearly nine months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 354

You deserved it 6 249

Today, I graduated from college with two undergrad degrees in biochem and wildlife biology, with high distinction. My mom told me she had found me a job at a petting zoo. I thought she was joking. She then said sternly, "I want grandkids. At least you will meet girls there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 386

You deserved it 3 570

Today, my angry ex-girlfriend ordered a bong to my house in my name. I came home to my parents screaming at me, demanding to know where "the weed" was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 297

You deserved it 501

Today, I tried to parallel park my car in a tight spot. After several failed attempts, I finally parked, but then realized I had parked on a slight incline. My car started rolling backwards. I had to chase it down the street in my pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 294

You deserved it 944

Today, a customer told me to go to the “fucking border back to illegal immigrant land” and that he can’t wait to “put Trump back in office” so he can get rid of “incompetent ass Mexican bitches” like me. What did I do to cause this? Tell him that we were out of a sauce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 686

You deserved it 133