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Social butterfly

By Rico - 20/05/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, an attractive coworker complimented my cologne in the elevator, so naturally I tried to respond smoothly. Instead of saying, “Thanks, it’s new” I somehow combined two thoughts and blurted out, “Thanks, I’m sweating.” We rode the remaining twelve floors in intense silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 166

You deserved it 270

In this economy??

By Anonymous - 23/05/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, my wife and I have been fighting, and she's threatening divorce. Why? Because I don't want to have a second kid. We cannot afford another one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 74

Blood drive

By Queasy Dave - 03/07/2026 09:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I tried donating blood for the first time because my company was hosting a blood drive. Right after telling everyone I wasn't afraid of needles, I fainted before they could even use one. I woke up surrounded by phlebotomists offering me juice while my coworkers whooped like I'd just scored a goal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 179

You deserved it 260

I wanna go home

By Tired - 05/07/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, my flight landed after a 12-hour trip, and I walked out of the airport without checking a single bag. Twenty minutes into my drive home, the airline called asking why I'd left my passport at immigration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 360

Free Parking!

By Parked - 19/07/2026 09:00 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I took the last parking spot in a crowded lot, got out feeling victorious, then immediately stepped in a puddle deep enough to soak my foot all the way through to my sock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 293

You deserved it 107

Short circuit

By Biker - 22/07/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I took a “shortcut” on my bike to save five minutes and ended up carrying it up three flights of stairs because the path turned into a locked service entrance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 257

You deserved it 143

Naked

By Flora - 30/07/2026 00:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I began my first solo holiday at my family's' lakeside cabin. After an hour of tanning in my fave bikini on the lake beach, I saw that I was alone, got brave enough to take a risk, and took off my bikini so my body could get a full tan. Guess when a family from a nearby cabin chose to also come to the lake for fun… FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 309

I know what I'm doing

By M…… - 06/08/2025 00:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I walked into a restroom at a restaurant, took one step inside, and realized it was the staff-only restroom. The manager was inside, staring at me like I was an alien. I just smiled and awkwardly walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 126

Hey dude!

By Creepy stranger danger - 11/08/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I was picking up my nephew from school. I waved when I saw him coming, shouted, “Hey dude!” The kid stared at me, confused. That’s when I realized it wasn’t my nephew, just a child who looked vaguely similar but who was now terrified. His actual mom gave me a look like she was deciding whether to call security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 116

Clothes horse

By Monica - 22/08/2025 00:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I walked into work with my freshly cleaned jacket that I wear in the office due to the AC. The jacket has Velcro on it and I didn't realize until I took it off that one of my bras was stuck to the Velcro. My hair is long so I hope no one noticed it, but I definitely greeted two people after walking in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 130

It's a trap!

By Anonymous - 25/08/2025 15:00 - Australia

Today, I tried on a tight sweater at the mall. It got stuck halfway over my head, and I couldn’t get it off. I had to shuffle out of the changing room, arms trapped in the air, and ask the clerk for help while blinded by the fabric. FML

I agree, your life sucks 195

You deserved it 340

Sometimes, it's better to say nothing

By Lauren - 05/09/2025 09:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I got into an elevator with a stranger. The silence was so awkward that I muttered, “Sometimes I pretend I’m on a reality show.” The stranger just stared at me until the doors opened. We work on the same floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 506

I'm real!

By DianaSeventeen - 07/09/2025 03:00 - Philippines - Paranaque City

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his parents and siblings for the first time. Their first reaction was, "Oh? You're her? All this time we thought you're some cartoon character from yet another lousy anime he keeps babbling about." FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 59

Hey you

By Anonymous - 10/09/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog when I saw a cute guy jogging towards me. I tried to look cool and gave him a smile. At that exact moment, my dog stopped to poop directly on my shoe. The guy jogged past without breaking stride and muttered, “Perfect timing.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 126

Just predator things

By EnSatsuKokuRyuHa - 14/09/2025 03:00

Today, my boss "entrusted" me with the company's biggest client because I was handpicked. Immediately when our solo call started, she asked, "Are you married?", I honestly responded, "I sure am!" She abruptly hung up and no longer responds to our calls. She spends here more than all our other clients put together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 103

First time… or not?

By Anonymous - 26/09/2025 15:00

Today, I caught my 5 month-old baby stood up using the sofa to support herself. She can barely turn herself over and hasn’t crawled yet, but she was standing. Then she fell over before I could get a picture, and my husband thinks it’s impossible and that I’m just sleep deprived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 102

Wankers everywhere

By Anonymous - 10/10/2025 20:00

Today, I was giving a quiet man a haircut. I saw his hand moving repeatedly under the cover, and I knew he was masturbating. I was alone and it was late, so I punched him in the dick as hard as I could, then ran for my pepper spray. Turns out he just has a nervous tic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 548

Nice imagery

By Anonymous - 16/10/2025 03:00

Today, I met my girlfriend’s parents. Trying to make a good impression, so when her dad asked how we met, I jokingly said, “She just couldn’t resist me.” Her mom smiled and asked if we used pet names. Without thinking, I said, “I call her my little burrito.” Her dad choked on his drink, and my girlfriend whispered, “Why would you say that?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 438

For science!

By Jefferson - 01/11/2025 22:00

Today, I spent way too long trying to figure out why my car smelled like rotten eggs. I took it to a mechanic, who pulled out an entire hard-boiled egg from a hidden compartment under the back seat. Turns out my nephew hid it there a week ago as part of a “science experiment.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 77

Sorry Sweaty

By Anonymous - 08/11/2025 22:00

Today, I got lost on my way to a wedding and yelled at my phone's GPS for giving bad directions. After 20 minutes of rerouting, I realized I’d accidentally set it to “walking mode.” I arrived 45 minutes late and sweaty in a full suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 491

OK then…

By Anonymous - 16/11/2025 00:00

Today, in a grocery store, the cashier asked if we found everything OK. Before I could answer, my kid said, “Mom says the shop smells like poor people.” I don’t even remember saying that, but judging by the cashier’s face it must be a family business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 444

Ironic underpants

By Anonymous - 17/11/2025 20:00

Today, I invested in some menstrual underwear to save money on sanitary products and for environmental reasons. I got to wear them only once before they were accidentally washed too hot and completely ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 153

Tubular Bells starts playing…

By Satan’s child - 19/11/2025 15:00

Today, my parents tried to stage an intervention for me. Drugs? No. Alcohol? Nope. Gambling? Nah ah. They wanted to intervene on behalf of my soul since I decided I no longer believe in their religion. I had to threaten to call the cops when the escalated to attempt a forced exorcism on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 86

It's always the last place you'd expect

By Anonymous - 28/11/2025 12:00

Today, I was looking for a tiny little container I use to keep my medication dosages when I travel. I checked just about every place I could think of, so where did I finally find it? Behind the wide open closet door. It had fallen out of my travel bag, which I'd used last week, and rolled behind the tiny nook it made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 265

You deserved it 88

Early Christmas party

By Anonymous - 03/12/2025 20:00

Today, I apologised to my colleagues on Teams for leaving the Christmas party early. The only responses were that they didn’t realise I was actually there, or didn’t even know who I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 308

You deserved it 76

Twerking is for special occasions

By Anonymous - 05/12/2025 15:00

Today, I literally had to say the words, “Please stop twerking” to my niece. She’s seven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 69

Not now, Mom!

By Anonymous - 10/12/2025 22:00

Today, I tried to show my boss a funny photo on my phone. As I handed it over, a notification popped up from my mom that said, “Did you finally meet a nice boy or are you still feral?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 102

Smash that button

By Ihategamersex - 26/12/2025 20:00

Today, my boyfriend, who is a full-time gamer, said to me during sex, "I want to right click you so bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 125

Resolutions come and go

By Anonymous - 06/01/2026 12:00

Today, I tried a new workout class as part of my New Year's resolution to get fit. The instructor said, “Don’t worry, we’ll start easy.” Twenty minutes in, I was flat on the floor while everyone else continued effortlessly. When the instructor asked if I was OK, I gave a thumbs-up, but I haven’t been able to sit down since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 324

You deserved it 112

Lost in time

By Anonymous - 13/01/2026 15:00

Today, I told a coworker, “Enjoy your weekend!” out of pure muscle memory. It was Monday morning. They stared at me for a full second before quietly saying, “I will... in five days.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 143

You deserved it 276

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The Top

Today, I realized I willingly support my boyfriend's alcoholism, because the only time he says "I love you" is when he's blind drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 478

You deserved it 17 663

Today, I ate at Chipotle. There was a girl sitting alone, so I asked if I could eat lunch with her. She said yes, and as I sat down I tried to open my bag of chips. When trying to do so, my hand slipped, and I punched myself in the face. She laughed, and promptly left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 110

You deserved it 7 794

Today, I had the sudden urge to sneeze as I was wiping my ass. Out of instinct, I used my hand to cover my mouth. I never let go of the toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 283

You deserved it 37 316

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried and told him that I loved him. He gave me a quarter and told me to call someone who cared. I threw the quarter in his face and ran. I waited for the bus, but when I got on, I realized I was 25 cents short of the fare. I walked home in the rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 299 997

You deserved it 67 640

Today, because no one else was willing to, I had to explain to my uncle that he's white, that I'm not his grandfather, and that he's mentally challenged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 122

Today, the girl of my dreams told me she only wants me for sex and not a relationship. Apparently, she thinks that because I left my ex to be with her, that I’ll do the same thing to her. It’s not like I cheated to be with her. I left my ex when I realized I caught feelings for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 1 176