Today, I told a coworker, “Enjoy your weekend!” out of pure muscle memory. It was Monday morning. They stared at me for a full second before quietly saying, “I will... in five days.” FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I confidently told my new coworker, "See you tomorrow!" It’s Friday. Now they think I’m either too eager to please management or I don’t know how days work. FML
Today, I mistook my boss’s "Have a good weekend!" for "How’s your weekend?" So I replied, "Great so far!" It’s Wednesday. FML
Today, I returned to work after a much-needed vacation. I got a lot of weird stares from my co-workers, and my boss eventually came over and told me to go home. Why? My work week starts tomorrow, not today. FML
Today, I excitedly got ready for my first day at my new job. I arrived on time, dressed up, only to find out they meant next Monday, not today. My new boss just gave me a weird look and said, "See you next week?" FML
Today, I finally told my boss that I need a week off to recharge; I presented dates, reasons, and felt brave. He nodded approvingly, then checked my calendar and asked, “Perfect, can you train the new hires that week?” I stared at my triumphant note then mourned my stolen week. Ugh. FML
Today, five hours into my shift, I found out that I had been given the day off. They just forgot to tell me. FML
Today, I laughed at a joke in a group chat. No one else reacted. After five minutes, I realized I’d replied to a message from last week. I had to also pretend I hadn't noticed and sat in silence. FML
Today, I got stuck making small talk with a neighbor I barely know. In a panic, I said “Have a good night!” even though it was 10 a.m. She corrected me with, “Morning,” and my brain responded, “Happy… time?” I swear she slowly backed away. FML
Today, I woke up at 10:30 feeling great and saying to myself, "Thank goodness it's the weekend!" I then realized it's Friday and I missed my final. FML
Today, the coworker I've had a crush on for the past few months asked me if I was busy Friday night. I was so excited, I immediately replied, "I thought you'd never ask!" He gave me a funny look and said, "Good, because I need you to take my shift." FML
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