Today, I went to a dinner party. I had a bad stomach, so I made a dash to the bathroom and forgot to lock the door. While I was in, I heard some voices outside. In a panic, my reflex was to get up and lock the door. I did so, while simultaneously shitting all over myself. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after a shopping trip, I had the worst diarrhea attack and almost shat my pants before I could even get in the front door. By the time I could get the door open, it was taking all of my self-control to keep from shitting myself. I had to shit on the toilet with the front door and bathroom door wide open. FML
Today, I was at a party and went to the bathroom. The door was tricky to lock, but in my inebriated state I thought I'd managed it. Apparently, I hadn’t. Midway through my business, the door swung open, and in walked a group of people looking for their coats. We just stared at each other in shock until someone finally closed the door. FML
Today, I was at a party. A friend and I went to the bathroom together. She finished, I started to go, realising I need to shit. She was still in the room. People began to knock. My brain told me to snap the shit in half… with my hand. I grabbed the toilet paper with said hand, leaving the bathroom covered in shit. FML
Today, I was at a party and I really had to use the bathroom. There were 30-40 people talking outside the door, so I thought it would be ok to make some noise. Just as I'm about to begin having explosive diarrhea, everyone fell silent as my dad began to pray for our meal. FML
Today, I attended a formal banquet. The host was delivering a speech, when I felt the urge to pee, so I tried to quietly excuse myself. My chair screeched over the floor as I got up, I tripped over my own feet, and I accidentally took the door leading outdoors, where I ended up peeing in shame. FML
Today, I was rushing to walk home because my stomach was upset. I dodged multiple people, getting closer and closer, got my front door open, got up my stairs, and then lost control of my bowels on the top step. FML
Today, I fucked up by trusting the wrong fart and shat myself in the middle of the restaurant I was eating lunch at. I was so mortified, I couldn't even finish the meal I paid for. FML
Today, at a dinner party, I got locked in the host’s toilet because the doorknob broke. I had to text the host to rescue me. She opened the door… with 5 other guests standing behind her. My social battery was wiped out by the whole ordeal, so I immediately wanted to go home and hide, but instead I got drunk and passed out on her couch. FML
Today, I was hit by acute food poisoning while attending a colleague's birthday party at his home. The toilet had a door that wouldn't close all the way, there were only three sheets of toilet paper left, and I had to walk home through town, in a dress, with my soiled underwear in a plastic bag. FML
Today, I was outside when I was suddenly overcome by an intense need to shit. The back door was locked, so I tried to run to the front, but couldn't make it. As I squatted in the bushes, my girlfriend came home unexpectedly. She screamed and called me a sick, disgusting freak. FML
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Top comments
samiwammy 5
Trying to redecorate their bathroom?
nick347b 6
If someone makes one more shitty joke...
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Comments (80)
yodas0da 12
You need to work on your timing.
CreeperIRL 14
I hope you remembered to flush!
FYLDeep 26
When you're reaching for the door, and you shit right on the floor. Diarrhea... Diarrhea...
ragzy 7
Love it!! Now I can't stop thinking of all those diarrehea (probably misspelled) rhymes!!
DQEight 8
When you're driving in your Chevy and you feel something heavy Diarrhea ... Diarrhea
escadoo 3
Haha!!
Inspired22 11
I just hope they had cleaning stuff in their bathroom...awkward...
leadman1989 16
Or yell OCCUPIED!... like a normal person. And it was Indian food too? FYL!!!
madturk93 2
Racist!
divadro102 16
The beans were delicious, but now i gotta go. Stomach's rumbling and i feel i'm gonna blow. Run to the bathroom, boy i really made it fast. Look at this toilet paper, i hope it's gonna last. Wipe the seat up, this paper's a waste. Surely i'm fine and there's no haste. Loosen it up and down fall the pants. Next come the boxers, am i hearing chants? There's a jiggle at the door, i wonder who's that. Two seconds pass, there's no one, relax. Shiver up my spine as i hit the cold seat, look around myself, this bathroom's pretty neat. Countdown to the candy drop, wait, is that my uncle's mop? It slips through the door and my face turns white. Away it goes, deep into the night. Flip-flop-plop. First wave of nasuea complete. I take a look at the door and i almost pass out. There's a voice right outside and it asks where's the mouth. Wash is what he said? I really don't care. My body shoots up, almost missed it by a hair. Glad i reached in time to lock the door, but wait, what's this all over the floor? I see beans and corn on the cob as well. Looks like my dinner, how swell.
MwahFMLS 6
No. Just no
divadro102 16
You're right.
you_freak 7
TLDR
yoursucklives 36
i wanted to thumbs you up, but my ipod wouldn't let me...
MwahFMLS 6
That's a shitty situa-.. Sorry.
jas78cool 0
Shit...u were in a bad situation...but couldn't u yell or something that please I did not lock the door???? Plz do not come in ???
equalzmusic 0
thats almost like inviting them to come in..
awagh666 14
Stop it with the "shitty situation" jokes and let people make some relevant comments. SHITTY SITUATION, OP
BrittMcKayla 8
I'm assuming you didn't have time to lock the door because you were going to shit yourself, but it happened anyway. Should've just locked the door and spared their bathroom :)
Smartpants 0
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