Today, after years of lobbying for a travel job, I'm finally in Africa. Everything I eat or drink comes violently back out both directions. When I don't eat or drink, I pass out. Essentially I have to choose between illness and consciousness. Hello, fabulous new job. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home from a four month stay in Africa, where I managed to avoid suffering any serious illness. Some hours after my first meal back at home, I got food poisoning. FML
Today, I arrived in Africa to start my new job. I agreed to come to a city with little to no electricity, and poor water for triple the money I was making in Canada. I just realized my boss and I negotiated in two completely different currencies, and I'm now making half of what I used to. FML
Today, I have a job interview after months of struggling to find work. I also woke up with explosive diarrhea and can’t be away from the toilet for more than 10 minutes. FML
Today, after coming back from a trip to Africa where I got malaria, I went to the hospital for some blood tests. The doctor said, "Good news! You never had malaria! But they put you through a lot of dangerous treatments and now your liver has an anomaly." FML
Today, I blacked out at work, on my lunch break outside in the rain, and woke up on the ground wet a minute or two later to everyone freaking out, all because I chugged my drink too fast. FML
Today, I'm on spring break on a tropical island, visiting family I hadn't seen in years. They invited me out to eat, and won't take no for an answer. All of this would be wonderful, if it weren't for the fact that I've been vomiting to the point of expelling bile and dry heaving for the last two days. FML
Today, I took my first holiday from work in over 6 months as it was my birthday. Today was also the day I woke up and vomited violently for 10 straight hours as a result of food poisoning. FML
Today, I fell violently ill half an hour into a flight. I got sick so suddenly that I projectile vomited all over my clothes and the seat in front of me, and to top it all off, I also got diarrhea. Eight more hours to go. FML
Today, and for the past week, I’ve had a viral bug. Now I can handle the vomiting, the diarrhoea, headaches, muscle weakness, dizziness, fatigue, and coughing. What I cannot handle is how food and drink now taste bad. Like seriously, even water tastes bad. I’m slowly going insane from lack of flavour. FML
Today, after years of being unable to work because of chronic illness, I finished my second week of a new job. I'm so utterly and completely wiped out, I don't know if I can continue. FML
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Top comments
staymintyfresh 13
Well I think you should eat food rather then starve to death, maybe your body will adjust eventually.
emba_fml 13
holy ****, more people recognize that as Kelly Clarkson lyrics than a Nietzsche quote now? kind of sad $:
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Comments (149)
sierra142 19
Bottled water, wash all fruit and veggies well with it too. You do get 'normal' food here you know. It's really not that backwards.
weepingangel_fml 7
Your dream job awaits..
DotDootyDot 17
Aaaaaaaaaaaah, makes me remember when I caught salmonella... Honey, you HAVE to drink if you want to get better, even if that means you'll lose consciousness periodically. Also seek your embassy's doctor to be treated, they'll know what to do. This is an unfortunate reality you'll have to get used in this continent and soon enough you'll get used to it. I know I did!
Rocky007 15
Pretty much like getting food from Whole Foods. Welcome to the dark side of organic foods.
saksxalmo 20
There's a light side?
Igor_g5 0
Maybe you shouldn't have worked so hard for a job in Africa. Not the best environment. Unless you're in a big city. Then you just need to get used to the food.
sougstad 7
Tis how cannibals are born. FYL
prestigion 4
no way! I am in Haiti sharing the exact same experience! I've lost 10 pounds in 4 days
prestigion 4
the first time you came on Jordan?
Snafuusmc 12
You must be homesick I had that happen to me and it was just terrible. took about 3 days for my body to adjust and hopefully you'll get better within those days.
MatewisP82 2
Where in Africa, fucktard? Is a huge friggin' continent. I'm from South Africa and we're one of 12 countries whose tap water is safe to drink and our food has no less risk of poisoning than any Western country. Dumbass yank...
Calyx_fml 22
Well it's obviously not one of those countries.