Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we'd just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, in a rush to get my clothes back on at my girlfriend's house at the sound of her parents opening the front door, I forgot to take the condom off. Her dad watched it fall out of my pant leg and onto the kitchen floor. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriends house. After having sex, we went downstairs to where the rest of the family was. At this point I did not realise that I had a used condom stuck to my foot. The family did. FML
Today, my girlfriend's mother called her in the bedroom for a serious talk. I overheard them arguing and yelling at each other. It turns out her mother found a condom next to her garbage. We got caught because her cat swallowed the condom and threw it up. FML
Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend's dad pulled out the chocolate-flavoured condom that went missing under the couch. FML
Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML
Today, I had my first real meeting with my girlfriend's parents. We had dinner at a pretty upscale restaurant and everything was going great. When the check came, I offered to pay and I stood up to take out my wallet. When I opened it, 3 condoms fell out on the table in front of them. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were sitting downstairs with my mom. We heard the dog running around upstairs and called him down. He came running down the stairs with a used condom in his mouth. The same condom my girlfriend and I lost two weeks ago. He put it directly in my mom's hands. FML
Today, I was at a restaurant with a girl I like, and as I was getting my wallet out, I dropped a condom. She didn't see anything, and I didn't dare pick it up in case I drew attention to the "object". The waiter walked past, picked up, and held it out to me with a huge grin. FML
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Top comments
CherishFlowers 0
Eww... don't keep it in your pocket.
DameGreyWulf 1
OH WELL... uh, at least they know you're safe!
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Comments (180)
01100110 0
why did you have a condom in your pocket if it was used?
ashleyanne 0
THAT'S GROSS HAHA.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
YOU'RE OBNOXIOUS HAHA
ImaBmyLonurTees 0
Yeah I agree, y was a used condom in ur pocket? Saving it for later? Damn...
gigi2009 0
your pocket?! really?
Starchild21 3
Why the **** would you stuff used condoms? The shit is not a ******* lotion for later, throw the shit away.
redbluegreen 41
Lotion for later. XD
redbluegreen 41
At least they know you're horny. (;
Remegy 3
yes... every parent's dream
3BallJosh 0
Do you collect them for sentimental value or something?
RhymePrime 7
Lol, Nice one.
Bstaut 8
Nah, he probably keeps them for sementimental value.
Lexy_rocks666 0
dude. why didn't u like throw it away?
ireply_w_lyrics 0
Here is your excuse: pay Alan Jackson to play it for you for bonus brownie points with her rents! "...I cashed my check, cleaned my truck Put on my hat, forgot about work Sun goin’ down, head across town Pick up my baby and turn it around Good time, Aahh, I need a good time I’ve been workin’ all week And I’m tired and I don’t wanna sleep I wanna have fun Time for a good time..."
the_coon_fml 0
good pick
Unregistered 0
can you find a song about how sad your life is that you comment with songs on a site like fml?
ireply_w_lyrics 0
Sorry, i couldn't, i looked for almost ten minutes! most of my sad songs are about heartbreaks However, this one's for you :) "...I wear what I want to, overalls work boots Crank my music up loud Like to sling a little mud in my four wheel drive Trek it all into town Shot a little eight ball down at the pool hall Drink a beer with my friends Now don't judge me and I won't judge you Cause we all get judged in the end Some people care about what other people think Worry about what they say Let a little gossip Coming from a loose lip ruin a perfect day Say, blah, blah, blah, just a jacking their jaws Got a letta roll offa my back I don't give a dern what other people think What do ya think about that..."
turbosexophonic 0
unregistered yall gotta **** off, IRWL is tight
Scorpitarrius 0
i woulda replied with a lil Prince for this one.. "She had a pocket full of horses trojan, and some of them used.... but it was Saturday night, I guess that makes it all right I said 'What have I got to lose?'"
salemwitch_fml 0
unregistered you need to back off. seriously. i've read like forty-two of your comments from other fmls and they're all bashing ireply_w_lyrics
plutosaplanet 0
haha that is a win!! and it only took up FOUR lines!! and it makes SO MUCH more sense!!
SamisaTANK1 0
f) The condom actually managed to stay in one piece with your keys in your pocket?!
glitchead 0
ireply_w_lyrics, you made me sad... you remind me of bumblebee and his radio talk... and how he got hurt in both movies.
addictedtoit 0
LOL i totally thought of that right away
joy1523 0
yeah really. i can't even lift a condom, let alone make it fly in the air. she must be ******* superwoman.
wbrycem 0
Were you going to frame the condom or something? Why keep it?