Today, I called the police to report that my car had been keyed. I remember going to a bar last night and getting drunk. A surveillance camera revealed that after my drunken self couldn't unlock the door to my car, I punched the door and hurt my fist so bad that I keyed my own car. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I accidentally locked my car and house keys along with my phone in my car. Then I had to break into my own house looking for the spare. Someone called the police and I had to explain that I lived there. I forgot to grab the spare when I went to talk to the police officers I locked the door behind me. FML
Today, I accidentally hit someone's car while in the supermarket car park. I left a note, went shopping, and when I came back my windows were shattered, my tires were slashed, and "FUCK YOU" was written on my windshield. FML
Today, I got into an accident and my car was totaled. My friends then took me out to a bar for a drink to make me feel better. It appears that the police officer I'd spoken to had kept my I.D. by mistake and I couldn't get into the bar. FML
Today, I walked out and saw four kids mercilessly keying my car. When I questioned them on it, they said "Oh, that was your car? Oh well at least we didn't pee on your door handles too." FML
Today, I locked my keys in my car. I was late for work so I went to smash the side window with a big rock. The rock bounced off the window and into my face. FML
Today, I locked my keys in my car. I had a spare key in my wallet, that I also left in the car. FML
Today, I woke up to find the entire driver's side of my car wrecked. Front door, back door, front and rear bumper smashed to shit. A drunk driver had hit it the previous night and ran. Don't worry though, he stopped and left his insurance information. He keyed it into the undamaged side of my car. FML
Today, my car was stolen from my driveway. I reported it to the police, the insurance company, and my neighbors, and begged for help via social media. As I walked to catch a bus, I saw my car parked outside my school. I forgot I left it there last night. FML
Today, some unprovoked drunk asshole tried punching a hole through the windshield of my car. While I was driving it. FML
Today, I went to the post office. As I entered the building, my car alarm went off. Thinking I'd accidentally pressed the alarm on my keys, I shut it off without looking. When I returned to my car, the passenger window was demolished and my purse with all my money was gone. FML
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Top comments
siberianhamster 17
YDI, twice over for trying to drive.
BntyHntrSeattle 30
At least you couldn't drive!!
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Comments (135)
PhilSnake22 13
You are one of the dumbest drunks I've come across.
rdenkewicz 11
For the good of humanity, press charges against yourself and go to jail!
iknowiwantyou 13
OP keyed is own car and probably will have to pay a huge amount to fix it and you're just worried about the hangover?
foxy_grampa 19
You were so drunk that you probably would have killed yourself driving. So you deserve this, the car was just saving your life
Gpmo 10
idiot. to bad they weren't around to arrest you at the time. never a cop when you need one.
Dynosaur_dollie 38
YDI entirely for even attempting to drive. In fact you are a ******* imbecile for considering that. I am very glad you couldn't get your car unlocked asshole. Why yes I do have a great deal of anger towards people like this. I myself am a victim of a drunk driver, I am survivor of one very tragic encounter. However my 8 year old brother did not survive that encounter. OP you deserved and I sincerely hope you realize how selfish your actions were and smarten up.
khaoticpanda 28
Haha then you probably didnt need to drive...
yerbduebeenehe 16
Meant to hit YDI
worldclassrager 41
The rule of thumb don't drink and drive...
FlyingPie 17
*applauds sarcastically*