Today, since my most recent breakup, I haven’t had sex in almost a year but I’m too afraid to just jump on Tinder for a hookup, because I had to move back into my parents' spare room, and I can’t be bringing a woman back for sex on a fold-out futon with mom and dad in the next bedroom. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, at the age of 29, I now have a relationship on par with a teenager's. Several weeks ago, my fiancé and I lost our home, and are now back living with our respective families. We now have no privacy. I actually just got dropped off at home, before 10, after having sex in a hay field. FML
Today, I finally had sex with my live-in boyfriend after a long dry spell. It was passionate and great, until I hurt my back changing positions. Now he refuses to touch me, going as far as sleeping on the couch to give me "enough space". Hello new dry spell. FML
Today, I’ve been single for so long that my mom’s friends ask her if I’m a lesbian, all because I’m 35 and not married yet. Truth is, my last relationship fucked me up so bad that the thought of falling in love with someone again makes me physically ill. FML
Today, my mom kicked me out of the house because I missed my curfew and overslept at my boyfriend’s house. She said she’d let me back in on one condition: that I was still a virgin. My boyfriend’s parents won’t let me live with him. I’m currently staying in the Walmart restroom. FML
Today, it’s been so long since I’ve had sex I’m seriously considering hiring a professional if you catch my drift. I try to put myself out there but I’m so self-conscious about my mastectomy scars that the thought of anyone seeing me naked sends me into a heaving sobbing anxiety attack. FML
Today, my dad found condoms in my room and kicked me out of the house. I know I’m 22 but I have nowhere to go. When I told him this, he threw a rolling suitcase at me and told me, “You have somewhere to go now - your boyfriend’s house!” I don’t even have a boyfriend, just casual random hookups. FML
Today, it's the five year anniversary of the day I broke up with my girlfriend to see other people. I've not had sex a single time since. FML
Today, I've been single for a couple of months. The last time I was single, Tinder and dating apps didn't exist. After figuring out how to be successful with those and setting up several dates, I've already had 3 date cancellations for this week because of the coronavirus. It's going to be a long couple of months. FML
Today, after months of Tinder-ing, first dates and being rejected, I finally was able to hook up with a girl. We met, we kissed, we danced and I took her back to my place. She then promptly tried to make out with my roommate. FML
Today, I was speaking with my therapist about future romantic endeavors. I'm currently separating from my husband of three years. I feel it's unlikely I will ever date again, and I've developed a phobia of sex over the past year. It's so severe that I cannot even masturbate. Destined to die alone. FML
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Top comments
cacheson 42
A lot of women are happy to host a hookup. Just ask :)
RichardPencil 32
You could always go to her place. In any case, there's no problem with you having sex on a fold-out futon next to your parents' room. Once a woman sees you have a fold-out futon next to your parents' room, she's not going to have sex with you. So, there's no problem.
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Comments (8)
cacheson 42
A lot of women are happy to host a hookup. Just ask :)
TwoBytesCarley 27
My thoughts exactly.
RichardPencil 32
You could always go to her place. In any case, there's no problem with you having sex on a fold-out futon next to your parents' room. Once a woman sees you have a fold-out futon next to your parents' room, she's not going to have sex with you. So, there's no problem.
mike3775 39
So get a hotel room for the night instead.
ninjacat 10
Random hook ups in a panorama panini pterodactyl isn’t smart to begin with sooooo maybe try establishing a relationship first. If all else fails and you can’t do a yours or a her’s there is always the option to dine al fresco. ;)
Ömer Ilhan Oluk 13
There are those who are away for 5 years 😉
idragosani 17
Some of the best sex I ever had was on a futon in my parents house. Even my parents thought so, given the noise they heard.
idragosani 17
Some of the best sex I ever had was on a futon in my parents house. Even my parents thought so, given the noise they heard.
deathdefiance99 2
sex shouldn’t be on the forefront of your mind. better yourself first. you’re clearly not where you want to be so fix that before bringing in someone else.