Today, and for the past week, my boyfriend joined me on my walks. He's recently gotten into photography and is now intent on tracking down a rare bird that he never sees but always hears. I don't have the heart to tell him that it's the sound of my thighs rubbing together. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend was tapping on my thigh to the beat of the music when we were driving to dinner. When I asked him what he was doing he replied, "Just watching the ripples." FML
Today my boyfriend left his camera with me. I wanted to see the recent photos we took at the park next to my house. I scrolled through and found pictures of him and his ex-girlfriend the weekend before at the same park, posing under the same tree we had taken a photo. We've been together for a year. FML
Today, I was driving in the car with my boyfriend and he couldn't keep his hands off me. Nothing to complain about when your boyfriend likes to touch you, right? Except when he keeps smacking your jiggly thighs to watch the ripples and 'tenderize the pork chops'. FML
Today, I went for a hike with my new boyfriend on a fairly deserted trail my ex-husband had shown me awhile back. In all my hikes there, I've never seen another person and figured it would be okay to get intimate. Guess who came hiking past? That's right, my ex-husband. And our 8yr old son. FML
Today, my boyfriend of one year told me not to walk beside him because people might "think we're together". FML
Today, my boyfriend decided he was going to narrate everything I do. I can't get him to stop. FML
Today, it's been a week since I flew down to stay with my long-distance boyfriend. We went on long walks on the shore, under the stars, and had an unforgettable picnic viewing the sunset. I just now received a message of screenshots displaying him attempting to hook up with another girl. FML
Today, my boyfriend took me on a drive while he did some errands. I waited for him in the car with my bare feet on his dashboard, like I usually do. As I waited, I noticed a woman blatantly taking pictures of my feet from across the lot, and she winked at me. I cowered in my seat until he came back. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend jacking it. He wouldn't continue and let me watch. FML
Today, my boyfriend found some noise-canceling headphones that he forgot he had. Once he adjusted them and put them on, he sat down and asked me to tell him about my day. FML
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Top comments
Glowworm56 27
Aw, I think this is actually cute that he thinks it's a rare bird. I think you need to gently tell him that the "rare bird noises" are actually coming from you. You'll both have a good laugh about it afterwards.
RichardPencil 32
If he goes down there and investigates thoroughly, you'll be ... *wait on it * ravin'!
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Comments (18)
jfsiv 17
The thicker the thighs, the greater the prize!
my2centsworth 15
Has he not noticed that the bird seems to follow wherever y'all go? Does he not hear it when you walk out of the house?
freaky78 10
Have you tried applying deodorant to you thighs?
ExplainingTheOtherside 8
Put a week on it!
fatbody 6
thats funny