Wet noodle

Today, my boyfriend of over one and a half years told me he won't give me a hand job because "it's awfully wet down there," and he isn't "a fan of other people's bodily fluids." FML

Pencil

Today, my boyfriend once again asked me if I could “not get so wet down there” when we have sex, because it “feels funny”. Ummm, even if I could control it, I never knew it was a problem. FML

Can't be arsed, to be honest

Today, my boyfriend told me that he’s no longer interested in sex with me, as he just can't be bothered. FML

Bored

Today, my boyfriend told me he’d rather masturbate than have sex with me, and that sex with me is a chore. FML

Today, my boyfriend told me that he hasn't showered in over a week, because he "doesn't like to be wet." FML

Today, my boyfriend said he was too tired to have sex with me because he'd spent the whole day jerking off. FML

Who are these people ?

Today, my boyfriend informed me that he hasn't showered in over a week because he "doesn't like to be wet." FML

Today, my boyfriend would rather jerk off than have sex with me. Even if I'm next to him in bed. FML

Strange terminology

Today, my boyfriend told me that I don't have a "grippy vagina" after he slipped out for the third time. FML

Creepy

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said, "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML