Today, whilst pleasuring myself in my bedroom, I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the ceiling. It wasn't until the point of climax that I realised that I was, in effect, masturbating over a spider. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor… and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML
Today, I was in my bed masturbating when I felt something on my chest. I looked down to see a spider running around. I'm super scared of spiders. FML
Today, I was absentmindedly playing with a piece of lint. When I looked at it, I realized that I had been rolling and squeezing a dead spider in my fingers for about five minutes. FML
Today, while typing at my desk, I leaned back in my chair to stretch my arms. A spider dangling from the ceiling must have been watching me since it had perfect timing on its descent right into my open yawning mouth. FML
Today, I was having a relaxing "wank", as they might say on Doctor Who, when a large spider descended from its web and came practically eye-to-eye with me. I screamed like a bitch and fell off my bed, pants around my ankles. Then my sister ran in to see what was wrong. FML
Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML
Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML
Today, when putting something away on a high shelf, something small and black fell down my cleavage. I thought nothing of it and finished the task at hand. When I pulled out the neck of my shirt later to find it and looked down, glaring up at me from my boobs was a large, disgruntled spider. FML
Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend felt the need to ask me if I could get my ladder and clean the ceiling, because it looked dusty with a spiderweb in the corner. I didn’t realise I was so boring in bed that she had the time to examine the ceiling and plan my chore list. FML
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Top comments
MoMonster 0
spiders are quite sexy. eight legs for MAXIMUM pleasure. xD
schwiggidy 0
you were masturbating UNDER a spider
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Comments (160)
fearfulsymmetry 1
YDI for saying that you were "pleasuring yourself." I hate that term, it makes me cringe every time I hear someone saying it.
DocBastard 40
Then prepare to cringe, foul villain! Pleasure yourself! Pleasure yourself! PLEASURE YOURSELF! MUHAHAHAHAHA!!!
fearfulsymmetry 1
I loathe you..
Whoadee 0
....pleasuring ourselves?
RachieP 0
Holy cow! This one made me LOL in the doctor's office!
anaiikatoumenos 0
I thought the spider was on the ceiling? how did it come to be under you? :o
moneymanjones 0
hey, if you ever need help with that give me a call who touches themselves nowa days
Mars_Bars_Big_Na 0
GOOD LORD look at 1#'s lips!
ITrollYourFail 0
Your boyfriend must be jealous of that spider... I would be, too, if I figured out that an arachnid could make my girlfriend scream louder than I could.
EmoVampire13 3
comment 22 = WIN
emodude44 0
Spider... mmmm so sexy... Hope your into bondage
rawryuhx3x3x3 0
lmfao!!!!!!!!!
MissPo3s 0
Weird.