Today, trying to make my 6 year-old daughter to laugh, I drew a picture of a butt, a puff of air coming out and the word "Toot". My daughter thought it extremely funny. Later, when she was talking with my extremely judgmental mother-in-law, I heard her say, "Daddy taught me how to draw butts." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML
Today, my toddler proudly presented me a "beautiful drawing" he'd made... on my freshly painted living room wall. When I started to scold him, he said, "But I made it for YOU, Mommy!" Now I feel guilty for being mad at Picasso Jr, and having to paint over it. FML
Today, my husband jokingly told my daughter when she passes gas in public, she needed to blame it on the fattest and ugliest person there. We went shopping after and she let a HUGE fart out. She gasped, "Mommy!" FML
Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML
Today, I learned how artistically talented my daughter is. Unfortunately, her favorite medium to work in is poo. FML
Today, my 5-year-old daughter drew a picture of our family. A typical drawing for a 5-year-old. Sticks and straws. One had two round shapes on its chest. "Is that mommy and is that one me?" I asked. "No daddy," she said. "You’re this one," she said while pointing out the one with boobs. FML
Today, I discovered my 3-year-old daughter's artistic skills. She managed to draw an elaborate mural on our living room wall. The masterpiece? A stick figure family, including our dog, but instead of a tail, he has a second head. She of course used permanent markers. FML
Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML
Today, at the supermarket, I picked up a pack of toilet rolls, at which point my 5-year-old daughter turned to me and screamed, "A CLEAN BUTTHOLE IS A HAPPY BUTTHOLE!" in front of a dozen other people. I have no idea where she heard that. FML
Today, while at a restaurant, my 4 year-old son pointed at a lady and exclaimed, “Mom, her butt is even bigger than yours!” FML
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Top comments
Sessee 4
Well, when I was a kid, my mom told me that lowercase M's are basically upside-down butts. Of course, I shared that with my entire kindergarten class.
lizwriteslove 0
Good job.
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Comments (97)
SublatePandemic 0
YDI. so mature of you. :P
AK 2
Well, it's true. You can't blame her.
xClarkGable 0
YDI. Grow up, and stop teaching your child how to be disgusting.
xxmsp91 0
HA, i doubt that ur daughter will be disgusting just because she knows how to draw a butt.. U did the right thing, and made her laugh.
JFox 8
I fear for #53's children.. sounds like the type of person to regulate everything. Also, OP: That's adorable. :P
kirei_fml 0
that's adorable, how can your life be ******?! xD My dad did the same thing with me and my mother responded the same way!
mastershake 0
haha thats cute. theres nothing wrong with butts # 53. farts are funny and dads are supposed to do things like that lol
Miss_Tyff 0
Kids absorb anything you teach them/tell them and they WILL repeat it. Next time, be careful what you teach your kids if you don't want it repeated to others.
Islander_fml 5
When my twin brother was three years old, he was in the nursery at our church, and he says to the woman in charge: "I have a penis, and YOU don't! That's because I'M a boy, and YOU'RE a girl. My daddy also has a penis, and it's big and hairy!" So she told my mom, and they thought it was the funniest shit ever. :D
0 3
^ HAHAHAHA OP I can understand how you feel: you have no possible chance of looking good in your MIL's eyes now.