Today, trying to make my 6 year-old daughter to laugh, I drew a picture of a butt, a puff of air coming out and the word "Toot". My daughter thought it extremely funny. Later, when she was talking with my extremely judgmental mother-in-law, I heard her say, "Daddy taught me how to draw butts." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML
Today, my toddler proudly presented me a "beautiful drawing" he'd made... on my freshly painted living room wall. When I started to scold him, he said, "But I made it for YOU, Mommy!" Now I feel guilty for being mad at Picasso Jr, and having to paint over it. FML
Today, my husband jokingly told my daughter when she passes gas in public, she needed to blame it on the fattest and ugliest person there. We went shopping after and she let a HUGE fart out. She gasped, "Mommy!" FML
Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML
Today, I learned how artistically talented my daughter is. Unfortunately, her favorite medium to work in is poo. FML
Today, my 5-year-old daughter drew a picture of our family. A typical drawing for a 5-year-old. Sticks and straws. One had two round shapes on its chest. "Is that mommy and is that one me?" I asked. "No daddy," she said. "You’re this one," she said while pointing out the one with boobs. FML
Today, I discovered my 3-year-old daughter's artistic skills. She managed to draw an elaborate mural on our living room wall. The masterpiece? A stick figure family, including our dog, but instead of a tail, he has a second head. She of course used permanent markers. FML
Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML
Today, at the supermarket, I picked up a pack of toilet rolls, at which point my 5-year-old daughter turned to me and screamed, "A CLEAN BUTTHOLE IS A HAPPY BUTTHOLE!" in front of a dozen other people. I have no idea where she heard that. FML
Today, while at a restaurant, my 4 year-old son pointed at a lady and exclaimed, “Mom, her butt is even bigger than yours!” FML
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Top comments
Sessee 4
Well, when I was a kid, my mom told me that lowercase M's are basically upside-down butts. Of course, I shared that with my entire kindergarten class.
lizwriteslove 0
Good job.
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Comments (97)
mattmag 0
She's your daughter, you can teach her pretty much anything you want. Who cares what your mother-in-law thinks?
drunkenatheist 0
Uhhh. How is this an FML? I just don't see how this is devastating/mortifying. Like, I can think of much worse things that your kid could have said to your mother-in-law.
Morokea 0
That's awesome haha. It's okay, my mom did the same thing with my half-brother and I, and he went back to tell his mom.
airandfingers 0
"Today, my granddaughter came up to me and told me "Daddy taught me how to draw butts." "Daddy" is my granddaughter's stepfather, who was recently charged and acquitted of possession of child pornography. A pervert is teaching my grandchild how to draw naughty pictures. FML"
Fields4mint 0
Sounds like your mother-in-law needs to lighten up. Kids need potty humor sometimes.
nesj 0
hahaha totally made me laugh! Everyone who clicked YDI has obviously never dealt with a judgmental mother-in-law.
TigressUK 0
That's just cute ^^
24788 7
It's your kid not theirs. At least you take care of your kid and spend time with her.
Insert_Wit_Here 0
That's when you smile at your mother-in-law and relish in the knowledge that she's your kid and you're allowed to teach her these things. This isn't bad at all, it's cute. That judgmental mother-in-law can shove the stick that's already up her ass a little higher up.
andelizastrin 0
I actually think this is really cute. You sound like a good dad to me.