Today, while working for a hospital security company, I had to assist in restraining a male patient while the nurses put a catheter in him. All I will say is that it looked like a worm trying to swallow a straw. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while working at the hospital, I had a patient with a blocked bowel. It was so bad, feces were entering into her stomach. While leaning down to talk with her, she threw up. I was both vomited and defecated on at the same time. FML
Today, holding my teenager's hand at the hospital, I unfortunately had a front row seat as a nurse manipulated his penis trying to pop a ball bearing out of his urethra. He had been curious to see if it fit. It did. And no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t pee it out, so off to the hospital we went. FML
Today, I spent the night in hospital. As soon as I was alone, I writhed and twisted in all directions in my attempts to pee in a bottle left precisely for that purpose. It was at that moment that the doctor, a good-looking guy, came in. My legs were spread wide and I was right in the middle of doing my business. FML
Today, I had to have two stents removed from having kidney stones, so I was strapped down to a table. The doctors were guys. I said, "I’ve had this dream before, but you two weren’t in it." I didn’t realize the female nurse was still there. It took them quite a while to stop laughing before they started.. FML
Today, I went to the hospital due to vomiting and abdominal pain, and they decided to fit me with an IV drip. It took several tries by two different people to get the cannula in. I feel like a human pin-cushion. FML
Today, I was at work at my local hospital. I went to the toilet to empty my bladder; the door was half open so I assumed it was empty. Upon opening the door, I was greeted with a half naked old man, who then yelled at me and violently shat himself, all over the walls and floor. FML
Today, at the age of 25, for the first time in my life, I was lying mostly naked in front of a man while he was inserting something in my body. Too bad that man was a doctor and that thing was a colonoscopy. FML
Today, I was stuck in the ICU with my 10 month-old. They spent more than an hour and multiple pricks to get a vein for cannula. I had to endure and hold him down through all of it. Half and hour later, he promptly smeared poop all over his cannula bandage area during a diaper change. FML
Today, while working at my new job at a veterinary hospital, I was excited that I set a urinary catheter in a dog for the first time. I guess I was a little too enthusiastic though, because I pulled it out too fast and bloody urine splashed up all over my face. FML
Today, I was volunteering at a local hospital. I was eagerly introducing myself to all the nurses, as I would be working with them all summer. It wasn't until I got home that I discovered the giant piece of lettuce stuck in my front teeth. So much for first impressions. FML
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Top comments
HappyItalian 38
More like F the patient's life.
Sotanostash 20
Aah, that hurt to read
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Comments (66)
KayleeFrye 39
Did you expect to work at a hospital and NOT see such things? If you can't handle your job, work elsewhere. Just because you're security doesn't mean you won't have to deal with patients and medical issues. Besides, I really don't think it's F YOUR life, I think it's F the life of the poor guy getting a catheter.
Enslaved 38
Why didn't the nurses sedate him first before inserting such a painful procedure?
__Kaia__ 12
First of all, it's not the nurses' fault he wasn't sedated. Nurses can't sedate patients without an order from the treating physician. Physicians, in my experience at least, don't write an order for sedation for minor procedures like urinary catheterization.. No one wants a patient to experience pain and discomfort, but it's not just not realistic to sedate every patient having minor procedures that cause pain or discomfort. Sedation has its risks and is generally only used as a last resort. Second of all, not all patients can be safely sedated. Sometimes there are contraindications that can make sedating them dangerous.
tin_cup 27
You go gurl! Drop some of that medical knowledge on us!!
thenursinglife 7
a catheter isn't supposed to hurt...it is uncomfortable but it should not hurt
gmk15 5
Urinary Catheterization is not a procedure.. I do it every day as a nurse and it's definitely not considered a procedure
Nelson Matute 8
They don’t sedate you for that. Its not supposed to be painful. The patient was probably restraint due to being nervous and bot knowing what to expect
smidge1987 11
I feel bad for the patient. I think it's a dick move (oops) when u were just doing the job u are paid for. I mean the patient is the one getting a tube shoved up there, have a bit sympathy, it won't kill you.
turtles_yup 18
he cant. its for the patients own good dumbass.
turtles_yup 18
what is a catheter?
EastCoastLez 14
Google it. Goodluck with the nightmares.
pjsr 33
It's a tube inserted into the urethra(pee tube) of a male or female to allow urine to flow out of the bladder into a bag. It's used if there's a blockage that is keeping the patient from being able to urinate, or if the patient will be immobile for a lengthy time following a surgery.
Blueocean7 19
Time for brain bleach!
SmittyJA24 26
Other than for at the reception desk & in the cafeteria (perhaps?), all hospital employees will see more tit, ass, & dick than they want to see. It just goes with the territory.
theblondeone 16
Our motto is, "Leave your modesty at the door and pick it back up on your way out."
sammisweets93 12
nope I've worked in reception at a hospital and have seen some not so pretty things.
HaileyR 1
This wouldn't happen to be one of the security guards that assisted the staff restraining the young man to the table at MSH would it? Lol
laden_swallow09 35
Yep. That's gonna be you in 50 years.
cetharel 11
painful procedure? I have had catheter 4 times doesn't hurt at all if they do it right. The thought of it is worse then doing it ?
Why_me499 21
try helping three nurses, another nursing assistant, and a urologist put one in a 500lb woman. I had to hold the flashlight while two nurses held up the stomach. my first night on the job
ThrottleJockey 36
Isn't that called spelunking?