Today, while sitting at a red light with my window down, the asshat next to me flicked his still-lit cigarette away. It landed in my car and wedged between me and my seat. It burned a hole in my shirt and my seat, and burned my back and hair. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I quit smoking cigarettes. While driving to work, the car in front of me flicked his out the window, flying straight into mine. It set the bottom of my seat on fire. FML
Today, as I was walking home late at night, some asshole threw a lit cigarette butt out of their balcony. It fell between my glasses and my eye and left a burn mark on my cheek. FML
Today, I finally found a reason to quit smoking. I threw my cigarette butt out the window and it blew back in, went down the back of my pants, and burnt my butt in 3 different places. FML
Today, I was standing on the patio when one of my upstairs neighbors threw a cigarette butt over the balcony. It landed on my head and burned some of my hair. FML
Today, I lit a cigarette in the opposite direction of the wind. My hair blew into it, and caught on fire. FML
Today, I was smoking in my car and flicked the butt… into the face of a cop on a motorcycle going the other way. FML
Today, I accidentally dropped my cigarette down my shirt. There are now two unsightly, painful burns right in the center of my chest. FML
Today, I discovered a nail in the tire of my car and a nice sized crack on the screen of my phone. I didn't think the day could get worse, until on my way to fix my tire, the cherry of my cigarette fell off and burned a huge hole in my driver's seat. This was my day off. FML
Today, I chuckled at a "No Smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML
Today, a guy in a fancy car tailed me for twenty minutes, just so he could take a picture of my license plate and tell me there's a $300 fine for flicking cigarette ashes out your window. FML
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Top comments
Voij 16
"Today, some asshat burned me with a cigarette. So I followed him home and burned his house down." Would sound perfectly reasonable to me, just in case you need some advice.
TeamKelly 10
I don't understand how people can be so inconsiderate.
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Comments (111)
TogeBara 12
Not only does the burn constitute assault, but the damages to your car and clothing should total up enough that you can have that cigarette checked for dna. If he's that much of an asshole he probably did something in the past at some point to get himself on file. On top of that if you were smart you got his tag on his car. I wouldn't have let that go and I would have chased him down, and beat his ass.
frustratedcelt 18
Good thinking batman.
HaraAishi 8
37, It would actually be kinda hard to extract DNA from a cigarette butt because how hot it burned or something like that. I think you might just get a partial fingerprint. I think they had an episode of Law and Order: SVU about it. But the tag idea is much better.
Zebediabolical 45
If there's one thing I've learned from 30+ seasons of various Law and Order shows it's that cigarette butts will hold your DNA. That's why I use cigarette holders when I'm planning on throwing them out the car window and burning the driver next to me.
HaraAishi 8
64, Doesn't get hot? Yes it does. Mostly when you get down to the last fourth of the cigarette.
HaraAishi 8
Did some additional reading, if they're a dry smoker, meaning they don't let it really let it get wet, then it's harder. Just because it's in your mouth, that doesn't mean it's covered in saliva.
TacoExpresss 2
Whatever Calvin, stop lying
ShakeDisPlace 10
I can just imagine OP doing the old fist shaking "you asshole!"
buddy51 23
At least he didn't follow up with a cup of gasoline, OP. Count your blessings....
herrnyberg 7
Apply cold water to burned area.
D3ATHZ3RO 15
How does that happen?
nix1993 41
I really hope you got his plate number, get the ****** arrested.
Sperratic 2
First thought when hit with something burning: "Oh god, get it off!" Am I alone in this reflex? I wouldn't wait for it to burn long enough to burn me, my seat, my hair, or my shirt...
neverready 25
When you're sitting in your car, strapped and expecting no burning things thrown behind your back, then it might take you a little while to get away from it and I'd like to see you reacting fast enough to avoid burnings...
vanessa09865 23
Man, I can't believe smoking is still a thing. It just seems so out of date and ridiculous
monnanon 14
whats worse is people defending their right to smoke when all it is is a bad habit that used to be accepted. seriously how dumb do you have to be to smoke a bunch of chemicals and herbs that you know is dangerous and then bitch at those who point out your stupidity. before anyone mentions drinking alcohol as a comparable habit just remember i cannot drink anywhere nor can i get five mina extra brwak
Alicestraza 33
Do you know just how many things are unhealthy for yourself or those around you? Forget smoking and drinking, how about heavily processed food, the gases emitted from cars, pollution from factories etc. People don't necessarily defend smoking itself as smokers are very aware of what they're doing to themselves, rather they defend their right to do so. Just as people who die young from too much fast food do.
Zebediabolical 45
Don't forget that smoking is a legal government subsidized addiction. And that the companies behind it are very predatory in their tactics. More so than drug dealers, for the most part, because being a legal product they can get away with a lot more.
monnanon 14
hmm lets see i dont drive so dont contribute to the pollutiom problem and if i do happen to eat fast food its a problem that only affects me. no one gets passive fat. at least fast food offers some sort of nourishment cars are transport are a neccesary evil and alcohol can have health benefits what exactly are the benefits of smoking. and dont site realxation and destressing because thats a placebo at best.
Alicestraza 33
Why is your logic that if you don't do it, it's okay? You don't smoke yet your chastising that. Anyway smoking lowers risk for parkinsons and other neurological diseases, it can reduce schizophrenia,and the risk of alzheimers and dementia. And for obvious reasons wards off obesity since its an appetite suppressant. I'm not defending smoking and I'd never advocate that anyone start, but once you're hooked you're an addict to the nicotine and that sucks. I also find the anti–smoking mentality that a lot of Americans seem to have laughable. Honestly why care what someone does to their body? If it's being blown in your face tell the smoker. The smoker in this post is an asshole but could have just as easily been a drunk driver or road–rager or even someone tired that caused harm. Sorry for the essay.
monnanon 14
i dont know where you got your facts from but i would recheck them. even if it is true i woild.much rather have dementia than lung cancer or emphazema.
love_me_electric 20
I'm not sure about schizophrenia, but there have been numerous studies showing it decreases the risk of Alzheimer's and Parkinsons. Both diseases are caused by decreased dopamine in the brain, and smoking increases dopamine levels. Although you get a similar effect from drinking 3 cups of coffee a day, and I would much rather drink coffee than smoke cigarettes.
JennNoVa 8
Smokers are so disgusting. I wish it were illegal and all the tobacco plants would shut down. The world would be such a cleaner, healthier place.
Alicestraza 33
Then you also shouldn't be allowed to drive or purchase anything that was made in a factory.
Zebediabolical 45
Yes, because prohibition and making things illegal works SO WELL!
blackman100 20
But then think about the people who would be out of work!!!!! Who cares how clean the world is when every single person can't have a job!!!!! Just think about the loss of the jobs!!!!! (I was totally kidding).