Today, while riding the subway, I fell asleep. I awoke to find that someone had stolen my glasses. From off my face. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a guy punched me in the subway for staring at his girlfriend. I had dark glasses on, and was fast asleep. FML
Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML
Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd been going to for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML
Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
Today, I witnessed a car accident. Being an experienced paramedic, I rushed to the scene to see if anyone needed help. As I assessed the people involved, one of them pickpocketed me. FML
Today, I got on the bus to go to work. I managed to get a seat, but an old lady who looked tired had to stand. I offered her my seat, but she glared at me, frowned and said, "Go fuck yourself." Everyone laughed as I sat there in dismay. FML
Today, I rode my bike to work. Once there, I realized I'd forgotten my bike lock. For fear of it being stolen, I quickly rode home and took my car instead. When I later got home, I realized my bike was missing. Someone stole it from my backyard. FML
Today, as I was about to walk across the street, a girl in front of me who clearly wasn't paying attention to the traffic, almost got run over. I grabbed her arm and jumped back. She was fine. I fell and fractured my arm and wrist. FML
Today, I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to take my bra off. FML
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Top comments
samimarie199 22
I guess you were robbed blind
CaliLoveFire 23
never fall asleep on public transport
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Comments (48)
sanecatlady 13
Some people just like to steal. They get some kind of "high" out of taking small things, like when they shoplift and junk. Sad.
CarbonCoach 11
Once my glasses fell of my face but they were still there.
LaceUpPrincess 5
That's terrible
Xotoolyxo 16
Why didn't anyone stop him!? What is wrong with people!!??
pastnastificatio 4
"From off my face" is bad grammar
shardynfahey 19
How did you manage to get home?
prettyblueeyes1 7
Maybe you shouldn't have fallen asleep and that would not have happened.
aaa143143 15
Frank Gallagher