Today, while I was fitting an elderly gentleman for a suit, he muttered all too loudly that he'd give his left nut for a reacharound. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was on the phone with an elderly customer at work. I had to spend 10 minutes listening to him describe how the underwear he bought was too tight and caused his bladder to leak. FML
Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML
Today, I was ringing an elderly gentleman up at work. As I went to package up the buns he ordered, he held up a hand and told me to wait. He then looked me in the eyes, started squeezing them, then winked and told me to go ahead. I've never felt so violated. FML
Today, an elderly gentleman customer decided to tell me that while I'm not attractive at all, he'd still bang me all the same. Then he gave me a pained smile, like he was struggling not to shit himself, and left. I'm starting to hate working retail. FML
Today, an elderly man came into my place of work wearing a nice suit. I commented, saying said he looked nice and asked what the special occasion was. He was going to a funeral. FML
Today, I ripped my old, worn underwear while trying to pick a wedgie in public. Half ended up in my hand. FML
Today, I was cleaning at work when an elderly gentleman walked towards me, paused, and with a wink said, "That's what I like to see: a girl on her knees." This is the same workplace where another old man informed me that my yellow uniform made me look like a "suggestive cheesecake." FML
Today, a customer smiled, looked me in the eye and described to me in graphic detail the swelling that occurred to his nuts after his vasectomy. FML
Today, at work at a grocery store an old couple came through my checkout lane. As I was putting their bagged groceries in the cart, the old man started feeling me up. FML
Today, while at work as a lifeguard, an older gentleman who comes in almost every morning wearing a very tight swimming suit, came up to me and said, "I don't want you having any erotic fantasies of me." After a long pause he added, "Actually, I wouldn't mind it if you do." FML
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Top comments
Thebestinclass 16
Well, did you take him up on the offer OP? Testicles sell for quite a bit on the black market.
BigBoy77 9
Even old people need a bit of action once in a while, don't be so selfish OP. Where's your Christmas spirit?
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Comments (46)
pasupathymuthu 16
Chivalry is not yet dead. That old gentleman's intention was to also give you pleasure via a reach around. He wasn't being selfish. The same is expected from you too.
ColonelCusswords 24
Use both hands and you can deliver service at the same time as collecting payment
jen1097 25
Should have kicked his nuts up into his throat
nonsensical 26
Relax, woman.
jen1097 25
Why though aha he's a pervert?
Iwannarock1 19
You sound nice.
hilfiger_fml 5
That's when you reach for your scissors and ask "Your left or mine?"
Goblin182 27
Reach around and snatch his left nut off.
captainsmegma 12
For the price of a good suit a reach around or two should be included.
ThrottleJockey 36
True, it already feels like they're raping you.
schreibergx93 19
Testicles sell for $35k to science.... And he'd have his reach around.
pjsr 33
That's just an urban legend. Check snopes and other urban legend sites.
DoomSkuller 28
That's hot
jlujan00_fml 9
I can't wait to be old
KILJOY310 11
Well, in a way he found you attractive. So it was a complement, just rude delivery.