Today, while bussing at my restaurant job, I felt a cold, wet animal slither down my leg. I started shrieking loudly and dancing dementedly to get it off, and everyone in the restaurant turned to stare. Then I realized there was a hole in my pocket and some quarters had slid out down my leg. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I ran to catch the subway, slipped, and my pants ripped across the back. I got on the train trying to cover the hole, only to realize the train was packed with people staring straight at my underwear though my fingers. To make it worse, my phone started playing loud music and I froze as I considered which situation to fix first. FML
Today, I sliced my finger on the register drawer. Not wanting to freak out my customer, I stuck my hand in my pocket and finished giving them change. Now I look like I period-bled through the front of my pants. Only 10 hours to go. FML
Today, I was shopping when I suddenly slipped on the wet floor and my basket and my groceries were flung everywhere. Moments later, one of the cleaners walked over holding a "wet floor" sign, saw me and laughed. FML
Today, while I was at work, I didn't have any panty liners so I used tissue. I was taking orders when I suddenly felt the tissue trailing down my leg. I tried not to move, but it inevitably fell through my pants onto the floor in front of my co-workers. I swiftly put it into my pocket. Luckily, it had nothing on it. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store. I bent to get some dog food off the bottom shelf and felt my pants tear. My jeans split right across the back seam, showing everyone I was wearing a pink thong under them. I had to ditch my cart and leave as I had no way to cover myself. FML
Today, I was walking out of work. I felt like everyone was staring at me but brushed it off. It wasn't until I got home that I realized I had toilet paper sticking out of my pants. FML
Today, as I was walking home with dinner, a pigeon pooped on my leg like a dive bomb. My hands were full carrying the food, so I had to walk the rest of the way with a smear on my jeans that everyone knew what it was. FML
Today, I slipped while getting off a bus and caught myself dramatically on the handrail. As I spun around like a stripper, the bus driver stared as if I’d performed a stunt. I nodded like it was planned and walked away, limping slightly. FML
Today, I woke up and saw a piece of black fuzz on my shirt. I tried to pick it off but it crawled into my hand and stabbed my skin with its sharp legs. I screamed like a little girl because I had a centipede on me. FML
Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML
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Top comments
tennisrapper1 14
The heads on the coins are watching you... So were the people in the restaurant. :P
borkchop1992 15
It was stealthy pedo bear getting into your pants.
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Comments (101)
Kingbreezy04 10
Haha I thought you were gonna say it was a turd. I'm glad I kept reading.
bubo_fml 11
Add a pole to that dance & watch your quarters turn into $$!!
s0ulslack 20
Nothing like looking like a lunatic in public
perdix 31
Why are your quarters cold and wet? By any chance, is your restaurant popular with strippers after they get off. . . work, that is?
GracesDelirium 9
That's an unfortunate thought...no wonder FML ***** up my dreams...
RedPillSucks 33
If that were the case, she (he?!) would have described how customers stuff dollar bills down her pants in appreciation for the dance/show. Unless, she works at the same place Enslaved was eating at.
krewer21 1
Ha ha ga ha snort ha ha! I lol'd
momolee 4
That must have been embarrassing. However, I understand since I would've done the same thing. FYL
jerry2011 4
So you acted like demented circus monkey!!!
Bjuddstr 4
At least those quarters weren't poisonous or had long fangs.
TheJester12 15
Could have been worse . Had it been pennies you would have publicly embarrassed yourself and been poor.
rcgirl2 11
Why would you automatically assume that it was a cold, slimy animal?