Today, while bussing at my restaurant job, I felt a cold, wet animal slither down my leg. I started shrieking loudly and dancing dementedly to get it off, and everyone in the restaurant turned to stare. Then I realized there was a hole in my pocket and some quarters had slid out down my leg. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I ran to catch the subway, slipped, and my pants ripped across the back. I got on the train trying to cover the hole, only to realize the train was packed with people staring straight at my underwear though my fingers. To make it worse, my phone started playing loud music and I froze as I considered which situation to fix first. FML
Today, I sliced my finger on the register drawer. Not wanting to freak out my customer, I stuck my hand in my pocket and finished giving them change. Now I look like I period-bled through the front of my pants. Only 10 hours to go. FML
Today, I was shopping when I suddenly slipped on the wet floor and my basket and my groceries were flung everywhere. Moments later, one of the cleaners walked over holding a "wet floor" sign, saw me and laughed. FML
Today, while I was at work, I didn't have any panty liners so I used tissue. I was taking orders when I suddenly felt the tissue trailing down my leg. I tried not to move, but it inevitably fell through my pants onto the floor in front of my co-workers. I swiftly put it into my pocket. Luckily, it had nothing on it. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store. I bent to get some dog food off the bottom shelf and felt my pants tear. My jeans split right across the back seam, showing everyone I was wearing a pink thong under them. I had to ditch my cart and leave as I had no way to cover myself. FML
Today, I was walking out of work. I felt like everyone was staring at me but brushed it off. It wasn't until I got home that I realized I had toilet paper sticking out of my pants. FML
Today, as I was walking home with dinner, a pigeon pooped on my leg like a dive bomb. My hands were full carrying the food, so I had to walk the rest of the way with a smear on my jeans that everyone knew what it was. FML
Today, I slipped while getting off a bus and caught myself dramatically on the handrail. As I spun around like a stripper, the bus driver stared as if I’d performed a stunt. I nodded like it was planned and walked away, limping slightly. FML
Today, I woke up and saw a piece of black fuzz on my shirt. I tried to pick it off but it crawled into my hand and stabbed my skin with its sharp legs. I screamed like a little girl because I had a centipede on me. FML
Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML
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Top comments
tennisrapper1 14
The heads on the coins are watching you... So were the people in the restaurant. :P
borkchop1992 15
It was stealthy pedo bear getting into your pants.
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Comments (101)
PaulB123 11
The things people will do for money... ;).
Sawarski 13
Don't even get me started on my night job. Things they ask you to do are just down right nasty.
banstrom17 4
I guess lunch came with a show!!
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
You should have kept dancing to play it off. And the screaming could have been a song intro.
NOOBSQUAD 0
My 4th grade teacher told me if you mess something up, or overreact to something just go with it to avoid looking like a ass. (She was my neighbor)
sophie22_fml 8
I would have done the same specially if I thought it was a spider, I would have screamed my heart out and taken off my pants in front of everyone.
NOOBSQUAD 0
Not so sure I would have taken off my pants but I would start batting at them like a maniac.
sophie22_fml 8
Haha so basically you're saying you would end up breaking your legs with a bat just to get rid of them? I'm scared to death of spiders but I think I'm good just taking my pants off to get rid of them.
Quinn32 16
Um I am sorry if english isn't your first language or you were trying to make a bad joke but in this context batting at them does not literally mean hitting them with a bat...
sophie22_fml 8
Kid get over yourself and stop trying to start arguments in here it's pathetic.
jweezy89 4
85- Shut the **** up. He's right, you made a shitty joke and now you want to act all superior to play it off. Accept your failure and move on, bitch.
sophie22_fml 8
Lol? If you think it was shitty or not I could care less just get over it and move on, why would you pick fights in here with someone you know nothing about, look at you getting all worked up over a comment, that's pretty sad
KrayKrayGurl117 7
Guess its time to use your quarters to get new pants....
outoftown 27
Or needle and thread. Those are quarters, not dollars!
jwp0211 17
Ahh, nothing like cold metal to get you moving.
jwp0211 17
Sarcasm
Senseless_487 29
Duh?
jwp0211 17
Some people on this site are dumb.
99megster 15
Dont feel too bad OP, I know I would have done the exact same thing in that situation. It will be a good story to laugh about later too :p
day624 14
What i want to know is why your quarters were wet
Miswildside 0
Have you ever had any type of coin run down your leg? The coldness would make it seem as if it was wet.
RedPillSucks 33
Well, I would have thought the body heat would have not made the coins feel cold/wet.
Enslaved 38
Strange! What animal did you think would end up in your pants? Look on the bright side, having a hole in your pocket allows you to discreetly scratch your balls now.
Boob_fml 6
Not if OP is female. Stop thinking about balls.
Enslaved 38
Whatever you say, Boob! :P
RedPillSucks 33
Enslaved, what kind of establishment do you eat at where women are scratching their balls?
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
55- Hooters, maybe?
greenie213 23
Sex change clinics
Quinn32 16
A snake ;)
greenie213 23
Wonder what the people thought when the quarters hit the ground.