Today, though I'm normally unperturbed by my single-ness, I walked by some squirrels engaged in mating rituals and felt a pang of jealousy. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out that when you chase a couple of squirrels off your porch for irritating your dogs, sometimes they chase you back. FML
Today, I was at the park feeding nuts to some squirrels. One fell down my shirt and the next thing I know I'm being attacked by a squirrel that looked like it was on steroids. FML
Today, I tried to take a selfie with a squirrel and it bit me. FML
Today, I realized I’m so lonely that I actually got jealous while watching Shrek. FML
Today, I swerved out of the way to avoid hitting a squirrel, and in the process hit another squirrel. FML
Today, I spent hours making an elaborate bird feeder for my backyard. It was finally ready, and I proudly hung it up, imagining the birds chirping happily. Instead, a squirrel discovered it within minutes, devoured all the birdseed, and then gave me a smug look before knocking the feeder to the ground. FML
Today, I tried to pet a squirrel because it looked friendly. It did not feel the same way. Now I’m googling things like, "Can squirrels give you rabies?" FML
Today, I saw a squirrel beside a tree. Thinking it was cute, I stepped closer, picked up a pine cone and tried to lure it to come closer. After about two minutes of silently squatting on someone's lawn holding a pine cone, I realized the squirrel was dead. FML
Today, getting home after a long day of work, my boyfriend came running out of the house. Being silly, I thought he was excited to see me. Nope - he was excited to show me the squirrel he shot. In the house. Apparently, we have house squirrels and a boatload of holes in the floor and couch. FML
Today, I once again came to the realization of how boring my life is when I noticed that the stray cat in my yard walks in a really silly manner, and I watched it for what seemed like an eternity, utterly fascinated, until it left. FML
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Top comments
easrc 5
I know exactly how you feel...
k99 5
He said "engaging in mating rituals" because it really sounds better than"two squirrels *******:". And nothing is wrong with his'big words', there actual words that real people use and stupid people hate people who know these words because it makes them feel insecure. I'm sorry dude, a smart guy like you should be able to find a girl soon except for the fact they all want an idiot like #28
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Comments (31)
der_Jabberwhock 0
LOL FYL indeed. Ive been there.
pentameter 0
#4 FTW
callicoat 0
you people don't have lives.
Violet_Embers95 22
and you are a jerk.
hawxfighter_fml 0
who dosent? (jk)
Mylees 0
get a room! you damn squirrels
michabailey 8
Guys -- listen to Stuff You Should Know. You don't mean jealousy -- it's envy. Jealousy is when you feel losing something you have, such as a significant other.
yupitstupps 0
you say "engaging in mating rituals"? no wonder you're single, loser.
astriofou 0
so whats more pathetic: using big words to describe your wondrous adventures in animal ****? or that you envy them?
stupdude3 8
#28 Learn English. Jealousy and envy mean the exact same thing, except envy can be used as a verb.
sayitagain 9
Whenever I see a squirrel I totally feel the need to **** them! Jk jk!
k99 5
He said "engaging in mating rituals" because it really sounds better than"two squirrels *******:". And nothing is wrong with his'big words', there actual words that real people use and stupid people hate people who know these words because it makes them feel insecure. I'm sorry dude, a smart guy like you should be able to find a girl soon except for the fact they all want an idiot like #28
Dale_shackleford 13
I agree with your point, but it sounds like the op purposely made it more complicated and ended up sounding like he was trying too hard.