Today, on my break, I decided to be friendly and chat with a co-worker that everyone else always seems to avoid. He spent the next ten minutes telling me all about his abcessing sebaceous cysts. Apparently, "The scars look just like gunshot wounds." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a man with one eye and a severely disfigured face accosted me at the grocery store. What started as a question about my shirt became an explanation for why he looks the way he does: He took a shotgun blast to the face. I didn't ask about or even draw attention to his appearance. Sweet dreams for me tonight! FML
Today, my boss berated me in front of 2 other coworkers about how unprofessional it was for me to show up to work with a clearly visible hickey. I had to explain to him that my "hickey" was actually a huge pimple that had bruised up after I popped it. FML
Today, I was with my boyfriend and I said that I was self-conscious of my acne. He told me that only one of my zits was noticeable and that it wasn't so bad. In fact he said it looked cool, like a bullet wound or something "awesome" like that. FML
Today, at work, a regular started talking to me. Subject of choice? His overwhelming amount of earwax. Apparently he'd like to make a candle out of it once he goes to the doctor to get it removed. FML
Today, a man stopped me on the street. He said the stretch marks on my thighs looked like cuts, and asked me if I self-harmed. Before I was able to politely respond "No", he said, "I mean, I can see why you would." FML
Today, my coworker showed me photos of her anal fissures. I'm not a doctor. FML
Today, when I arrived at work, I was greeted by my gorgeous coworker telling me my red shirt looked awesome on me. Before I could compliment her, she added that the color was fitting perfectly with my acne. I heard a couple of giggles around me. FML
Today, I noticed quite a few scars on one of my coworker's legs. I pulled her aside and told her that self-harm was never the answer, and if she needed to talk I was always there. Turns out she's just clumsy and trips a lot. FML
Today, I was feeling pretty down due to a recent back injury, so I thought I’d do something nice to help lift my spirits. I bought some cookies for my coworkers, who ended up not wanting any, and one of them decided to ask what was wrong with my face. Oh, right, my acne rosacea is flaring too. FML
Today, at school, I was scheduled to give a presentation to my class. As I arrived, my teacher said to me, "You're bleeding from the 120th pimple on your left cheek." FML
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Top comments
starvingxartist 0
"Any job I ever had in my life, I talked to that guy...You know why I talk to that guy? Cause when that day comes, when he snaps, and he comes into work with a sawn-off shotgun, walking through the halls and he finally gets to my office he's gonna be like........'thanks for the candy.'" Just sayin'.
TheKitsune 0
I think it's important to reference Dane Cook here. "Thanks for the candy."
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Comments (75)
invisiblerabbit 0
lol, so did you suck his ****?
redbluegreen 41
Well, I only have Spaghetti-O's! We don't like your kind here!
jw90 18
I had a brownie once...
YanksRule 0
Sounds like Dwight from The Office... there always is that one =)
gecko13 0
you are the one he will let live when he shoots up the office... ala "thanks for the candy" - Dane Cook
toink 0
can I have some? :D
fmh123 0
that is disgusting
morgan020 0
op at least you tried to be nice sorry it backfired. plex and triumvirate yall are awesome everyone in the room was laughing when I read yalls comments to them :)
teiso_fml 0
Oh, poor you. You did a nice thing, but when you decide to be selfless, you need to think about what that means. He probably appreciates you taking the time to treat him like a human being more than you found it uncomfortable. Don't devalue that by feeling sorry for yourself.
GGnoRe 0
omfg i love you guys