Today, my parents were awake while I was still in bed on my iPod touch. I decided to play The Smurfs Village. One of its minigames involves shaking the iPod, so I was breathing heavily. Later, my parents sat me down for a little "talk". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML
Today, I was playing Wii Sports, trying to finally complete the "pick up spares" bowling game. My parents were behind me and said they would support me. After several failed attempts, I realized they had been on their phones the whole time, and were so engrossed that they didn't even look up when I spoke to them. FML
Today, while riding on the car with my family, I put on my headphones and pretended to be listening to music and when my parents talked to me, I pretended I couldn't hear them. They took this opportunity to discuss how fat I was and how I can't hold down a boyfriend. They were laughing as well. FML
Today, I found my son's iPod touch and was looking at a light-saber app. He walked into the living room to see me fighting the cat and making sound effects to myself. FML
Today, I went to the toilet during drama class, not because I had to actually go, but because I wanted to play Monopoly on my iPod. I lost track of time and came back twenty minutes later. My whole class listened while I was forced to tell my teacher I'd been really constipated. FML
Today, I got up at 2 AM to grab a snack. I quietly crept down the stairs, only to find my dad, mom, and a couple of their friends having a secret poker game. Now they think I have a sleepwalking problem. FML
Today, my parents grounded me and took away my phone, iPod and door. That's right, my door. They think that because I was stumbling and couldn't walk straight last night, I must have been out drinking. They know I suffer from chronic vertigo, but don't believe I was having an attack. FML
Today, my mom told me to stop using my phone and talk to them, but whenever I do that, they just end up yelling at me and telling me to go to my room. FML
Today, I woke up early, went to the gym, then came home and showered. When I went into my room to change, my mom woke up and started pounding on my door, screaming about how lazy and useless I was for sleeping so late. When I tried to tell her otherwise, she grounded me for "talking back". FML
Today, my mom complained that I was being too loud, and she smacked my head really hard. All while screaming at me. FML
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Top comments
simonsaysYDI 8
Shaking an iPod makes you breath heavily? Maybe you need to do some more cardio =P
itssosparkly 21
It would have been better if they'd walked in and seen you breathing heavily in bed while looking at Smurfs.
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Comments (130)
twye 22
Seems like someone doesn't have alot of stamina.. ;o
YourMoms_BF 2
Kids these days.
HelloChrissy 9
Wow, ydi for being out of breath while playing a game. I doubt you could even have sex without having a heart attack...
zac7531 3
How does shakin ur iPod make u breathe heavily? How fat r u?
unknown_user5566 27
Fat does not automatically = out of shape. I have some larger friends who are big because of medical conditions, and their cardio stamina is probably better than mine.
wruch 6
Hahahaha now you need to make them hear the difference between lack of exercise breathing and masturbation breathing.
CoriBaby 5
try getting in shape using the shake weight...
Drizzelhell 3
It will really help u smurf all over smurf village.
perdix 31
They're probably horrified that you are masturbating to a kid's cartoon. Even old folks know there's plenty of free **** on the Internet and want you to wank like a normal person. If the sight of actual organs frightens you, at least choke it to hentai.
unknown_user5566 27
I imagined this as a situation where mom got all pissy and righteous about masturbation, and after the talk dad took OP aside to explain the correct way to choke the chicken.
perdix 31
I didn't make myself clear, then. I was implying parents that were unexpectedly supportive of the OP's self-pleasuring activities, yet remarkably stringent and judgmental when it came to appropriate masturbational material. I'll try to do better next time.
AKGirlinSD 20
79, Agreeing with your comment, I would like to add that if I was the original poster's parents, I wouldn't judge the kid/teenager for masturbating to the Smurfs. I'd be telling him to do that all he wants because choking the chicken won't knock up a girl. :-)
stormchaser24 24
Time to get in shape and do some cardio. I mean breathing heavily from shaking an iPod.
Deroni76 5
Time for cardio training...
isaiaah 6
My parents just pretend they don't know what I'm doing.
kelissa_fml 16
Lucky you. Haha