Today, my parents think that I don't understand all the sexual euphemisms in their conversations. One of the more recent ones being made by my dad at the dinner table, "This sausage is great, honey, but mine is bigger and tastier!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, I was eating dinner with my husband and his family. My father-in-law says to my mother-in-law, "You know what’s in your mouth? Sausage!" It was so random that I laughed, as quietly as I could. My husband then loudly asked me what was so funny. Everyone went quiet and looked at me. FML
Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML
Today, I showed my parents the latest excerpt from my first book. It's about narratology. My dad thought I was writing about meat. He read "peaks and valleys" as "pork and veal." FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, I was at a barbeque with my family, my boyfriend, and some mutual acquaintances. Someone jokingly called my boyfriend a pussy, to which he loudly replied, "I guess I am what I eat!" My mother was sitting across from us. FML
Today, I had a nice, open chat with my mother. I accidentally let slip that I'm a nymphomaniac. She accidentally let slip that my dad is bad in bed. I don't think either of us will be chatting so openly for awhile. FML
Today, while having dinner, my boyfriend decided to tell everyone about our sex life. It wouldn't have been too bad except my father was sitting right next to me. My boyfriend's excuse was that he wanted to make my dad laugh. He didn't laugh. FML
Today, my husband referred to me as his “favorite meat sock” in front of our son. FML
Today, my parents yet again spent over ten minutes discussing and joking about something minor about me, in this case my preference for Pepper Jack cheese over American. They've done this my whole life, and refuse to understand why I suffer from such crippling self-consciousness. FML
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Top comments
SexyBeast145 0
dude that's so gross hahaha
tnlander 20
Try the shock reply. "Dad no one at this table wants to eat your ****. Now can I please finish my dinner?" That will shut him up.
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Comments (334)
corrinaswan 0
haha how would he know? does he suck himself?
leah99williams 0
whoever said the op meant innuendo...look up the definition of euphemism.
chillinAK 9
Wow. obviously your old enough to get it - so you are also old enough to realize that mom and dad have a healthy relationship for each other. To all of y'all complaining about old people talking about sex, it's reasonable to say that maybe mom had child at age 18. The say kid is 13. that would mean mom is now 32 - which a lot of people are waiting for to HAVE kids. I am 28 with three and have a very healthy relationship with their father. Deal OP.
criminalmind 10
That would actually make the mum 31. I hope you don't help your kids with math.
chillinAK 9
Hmm, my bad. Shouldn't try math after a 16 hr shift huh? Ah well, I've been properly chastised, thank you.
SleepOnStones 5
How stupid do they think you are?!?!?!
monkeybob 0
that's grody!!
mrhoobla1 1
thats funny, but still fyl
lucas18xx53 0
175- AHA ur funny...
brittiboo1 0
That was great!! love it! :P
Chiirushi 4
win.
ettubrute 0
awkward >_