Today, my long-distance girlfriend drunk dialed me and told me she was horny. Surprised, I exclaimed, "You're horny?" without realizing my boss was right next to me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my co-worker handed me the phone and said it was my boyfriend calling, so I answered "Hello, Love!" It was my boss. FML
Today, sleeping in a little late, I was woken up by my phone. Still tired, I quickly checked the display to realize it was my girlfriend calling. I pick up the phone saying, "Hey baby girl!" She seemed pretty startled, so I double-checked and realized it was my new boss, who has the name as my girlfriend. FML
Today, my boss mistakenly drunk-texted me and was talking shit about me. FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML
Today, my girlfriend text me and told me to do something sexy because she was going to FaceTime me. I eagerly dropped my pants and started stroking it to get ready for her. As soon as I opened her call, she was standing with my wife. I literally got caught with my dick in my hand. FML
Today, I was working by myself at a retail store and I was bored so I called my boyfriend. I woke him up and he was feeling frisky, and as things were getting heated, I started to moan and say dirty things… Until the entire rack of clothes fell over and revealed my boss hiding. He had a boner. FML
Today, I was sexting my boss. I realised that I wasn't texting my boyfriend after I'd sent 2 nudes, and received many sexually provocative responses. FML
Today, I accidentally said, "Bye, love you," to a co-worker as I clocked out. Before I made it home, I had six missed calls and a long text from my co-worker professing her love to me. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend having phone sex less than 10 feet away from me. FML
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Top comments
daytoday21 10
Why so surprised anyway?
perdix 31
Drunk, horny and far away? Your boss knowing that is the least of your problems. A man on her end of the phone should be of more immediate concern to you! This is not going to end well.
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Comments (57)
s0m3guy2010 21
Boss: No, my name is Randy.
gracehi 33
"... That sounds bad. Horns spontaneously sprouting down your back CANNOT be good. You should see a doctor." Perfect save. :D
TheChillyBoy88 6
How do some of these FMLs get posted? Jesus...
mellingeramber 13
Why would you be surprised that she was horny, especially if you're in a long distance relationship? That should be a good thing.....otherwise she might be cheating on you.
mellingeramber 13
Not necessarily. I was in a long distance relationship for two years and neither of us cheated. We just drifted apart.
implastikz 7
to few, it work out but to many, rarely does
Inciter 33
I was in a long distance relationship for nine months and I never cheated. Not all horny women are cheaters, you know.
99megster 15
Just because you're horny doesn't mean you need to have sex. There is this thing called "self control" you know.
BellaBelle_fml 23
I do believe that they meant that its a good thing that she is horny as opposed to her not being horny. Meaning he doesn't turn her on at all and that she doesn't find him sexually appealing. Not that she will cheat because she is horny simply because of a long distance separating them.
CommunistBanana 8
"Most awkwardest" -shy121
Enslaved 38
Could have acted like she was just informing you of her TCU acceptance letter. :P
perdix 31
#22, Jesus, that's obscure!! I lived most of my life in Texas and it took me a while to connect that Texas Christian University's mascot is the Horned Frog! Now that I figured it out, good one!
Enslaved 38
Haha you understood my comment, I see! (: My sister graduated from TCU. She's extremely religious and hated being referred to as a "Horny Toad". :P
perdix 31
#42, I can't blame her, they're horny FROGS! Gotta get the species right!
RainbowDashie140 12
I would hang up and tell my boss it was a wrong number.
chowE_fml 4
Y u no sext her ?
iiTzNeeNerz 26
I like how all these people immediately say something along the lines of cheating. Anyway, the fact that she drunk dialed you should let you know you don't have much to fear, since even when her brain isn't functioning correctly; she wants you. On the other hand, that makes for an awkward explanation for your boss. LoL
firefighter925 18
Should of yelled time for some office sex!!! show your boss who da boss isss lol