Today, my husband sweetly asked me, "You know what I'd really like to do if I had an extra $4,000?" Expecting a romantic answer, I asked what. He said, "I'd get you a tummy tuck." He still can't figure out what he said wrong. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband was looking at a bariatric surgery website and asked him what he was reading. He said, "Oh, your anniversary gift. Surprise!" He wasn't kidding. He got mad when I politely declined his gift, then angrily said "You know, it really hurts when you don't like the things I get you." FML
Today, I asked my husband if he thought I was pretty. He replied "compared to what?" He was serious. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my husband in the shower. I got in and we were talking and goofing around and I stuck out my chest and sucked in my stomach being stupid, and my husband said, "Wait! Do it again! That's how you looked when I first met you." FML
Today, my husband asked me to come see his turd. After I said no, he said, "What kind of wife are you?" FML
Today, my husband told me he wants a $600 birthday gift. He doesn't understand why I said that wasn't happening, and is now mad at me. Not only can we not afford that, he only spent less than $10 on my birthday gift last month. FML
Today, my wife asked when I was going back to the gym because I am developing a belly, which she finds disgusting. I've just had surgery on my thigh, which was her fault for asking, “What’s this thing do?” while grabbing the handle to the jack holding up my car, dropping the car on my leg. FML
Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. Everything seemed to be going well, when all of a sudden he turned to look at me with a pensive and thoughtful expression. I expected him to say something important, but instead he just said, "I was wondering, how does it feel to be fat?" FML
Today, I went to the store to buy some groceries. While I was at the store, an employee came up to me and said, "You're beautiful!" When I came home I told my husband what had just happened. My husband then asked, "What was wrong with him?" FML
Today, I told my husband that I was going to get a swimsuit from the Victoria's Secret catalog. He replied, "Are you going to get the body to go with it?" FML
Today, I had the privilege of looking into my husband's eyes and uttering one of the sexiest phrases in the English language, "I need a suppository." FML
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Top comments
TurtleSmile 14
Tell him you'd like to spend it on male hookers and chocolate.
cooterpie 11
At least he's willing to spend 4 grand on YOU. Maybe he also thinks its something you'd like.
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Comments (46)
lvaldezr 4
Wow that's something you never ever suggest to a woman. It's like asking how much they weigh.
mario2012 18
Wait, he wants a tummy tuck? O_o
PleadingInsanity 20
No he wants to pay for OP to get a tummy tuck.
mario2012 18
You missed the joke 22.
mario2012 18
Actually I misread the FML. My bad. Carry on with the thumbs down.
Flora_fml 6
What's creepy is that he's already researched the price.
batrob 7
YDI fatty
Tsunami87 17
Why are you complaining about that? You'll go from fat to not fat.
annie_nk 23
Ah men. Generally pretty clueless on how touchy women are when it comes to weight. When I became pregnant with my first child, my husband called me a little chubby. He didn't mean to be insulting. He was taking the health of his wife and future child into consideration. So I understand why you felt insulted but your husband didn't mean to be insulting.
MakeTodayADTR 20
And Honey, if I had 4000 dollars, I'd find some way to stop that receding hairline.
xmaximusx 12
Wow lol and u didn't see the signs ? Lol
writergirl23 19
You're probably always going on about how flabby your tummy is. While I know what it's like to have one- giving birth recently anyone??- it's still just a guy thing. It was sweet of him!!
babysealskullzz 1
You're husband is sweet. You should reward him by not being fat.
iHeartRKO 5
Yes, I forgot how sweet that is.