Today, my husband finally decided to help with the laundry. He washed a pen and it exploded in the dryer. FML

Today, I found out that someone left an open sharpie pen in the dryer. It left pen marks on everything inside of the dryer. Not just one or two pen marks, but nearly 1,000 on each article of clothing. FML

Relationship goals

Today, my husband missed the toilet again. I would have been less disgusted if he'd peed this time. FML

Today, I returned a friend's jacket after borrowing it. I made sure to wash it and keep it clean. When he went to put it on, a pair of my granny panties fell out of the sleeve. FML

Stained for life

Today, someone left a lipstick in a public laundry machine of our student dormitory. Then, an hour ago, when I put my laundry in it (including my underwear), I didn't notice. FML

Sticky

Today, I thought I was clever for doing my laundry while multitasking and making dinner. When I went to transfer my clothes from the washer to the dryer, I discovered that I'd accidentally washed a pack of gum that was in my pocket. The gum had melted into my favorite shirt, and I now have a sticky mess to deal with. FML

Today, my wife complained that the coffee grounds I swept into the sink grossed her out. Yesterday, I removed several panty-liners from her soiled underwear before doing the laundry. FML

Laundry Day

Today, I had to do my laundry. Being too lazy to separate them into different colors, or even check the pockets of my jeans, I threw everything I own into one load. Turns out I had left a tin of lip balm in one of my pockets. My whole wardrobe is now covered in spots that won't come out. FML

Skidmarks

Today, while doing my boyfriend's laundry, I noticed that every single pair of his boxers had a poop smear in them. He's almost 30. FML

Today, I went out for a smoke before dinner. I glanced through the window only to see my husband take my cooking scissors, cut his toe nails and then put them back in the utensils canister without washing them. FML