Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, my toddler started running around the house yelling, "Daddy said a bad word!" over and over again. I don't even know what I allegedly said, but now my wife is giving me the "we need to talk" look. FML
Today, my wife got a call from my son's school, telling her that he was talking inappropriately in class, using bad language. Neither my wife or I ever use foul language, spoken or written. I feel like such a failure as father and parent. FML
Today, my daughter flew completely off the handle when she found out I have a girlfriend, and called me an unfaithful sinning bastard, who’s going to hell for cheating on her mother. Her mother's been dead for 20 years and this is the first time I’ve met a woman since then. FML
Today, my daughter came crying to me that her boyfriend cheated on her. I'd like to comfort her, if it weren't for the fact that she manipulated him into cheating on his previous girlfriend with her. FML
Today, I found out my 7-year-old daughter really did lie about my husband's "other girlfriend" as revenge for being grounded, and that he never cheated on me at all. We're well into our divorce proceedings and he won't forgive me for not believing him when he denied it. FML
Today, I found out that my 11 year-old daughter dresses skimpy when I drop her off on the weekends at my ex-husband’s house, courtesy of his girlfriend, who he cheated on me with. When I confronted her, she told me to “stop being such a prude” and with my attitude, “no wonder you get cheated on.” FML
Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML
Today, my daughter's 14-year-old boyfriend confessed, in front of her, that he only went out with her so he might have a chance to date me. My daughter isn't speaking to me. FML
Today, my mother came into my workplace to wail on me for "ruining our family's reputation" because I got a girl pregnant. I've been married to the "girl" for 8 years. FML
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Top comments
Airman1988 9
You may have an manipulative genius on your hands.
chrissy2 28
I feel like someone wants mommy out of the house.
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Comments (169)
manaallovesfmls 19
He's probably cheating on you now OP.
Missmacabre 2
#35 my thoughts exactly.
gottageek 17
That's when you made her pick her own switch, took everything but the bare necessities from her, and made her contact her father to confess she's a lying little twat right? And you should stick her in therapy of some sort. Just to make sure you have all grounds covered.
Sarow_96 13
WTF IS WRONG WITH 10 yr olds these days :s I'm sorry for you OP
Missmacabre 2
#39 Don't be sorry for OP, she's the one that raised the little shit.
Sarow_96 13
#39 LMFAO true true
pinkpanther61789 15
Op should do what my mom did to me. Take her down to the courthouse and make her a ward of the state for a few months. That aughta teach the little **** to appreciate and respect her parents
clue_me_in 20
Wow. I hope your husband comes to his senses and believes you when/if he comes back. No presents for one little (evil) girl this year...
taranpreet 7
I feel like this would be the most effective punishment. That would HURT to get no gifts.
taylorluvsbieber 2
no presents for telling a lie? omg. its not her fault her husband beleived it.
TallMist 32
#132 But it IS the little girl's fault she said anything at all.
aj9090 9
you need to nip that shit in the bid now. that kid is just gonna get worse...
perdix 31
YDI for introducing your kid to your other boyfriend. You gotta keep that shit secret!
Eedeea 7
Ha ha ha ?
jamesrod885 6
wow....my daughter told me to stop talking to the waitress....she said daddy you no talk to girls.....needless to say I've had my then 4yr old daughter understand that someone had to order the food or we don't eat.
jsis4u 8
CNN did a special on quotes and many thought that quote came from the bible as did i but its not in the bible