Today, my grandmother drunk dialed me at midnight to wish me a happy new year. I was already in bed. My grandmother has a better social life than I do. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my grandma said, "I know you don't have any plans tonight. Do you want to go to bingo with me?" I said sure out of pity, and ended up being her designated driver after she got wasted later in the evening. FML
Today, during a family reunion, my 89 year-old grandma stood up and drunkenly made a speech about how ashamed I should be of myself for still being single. She then passed out at the table. Half my family got up to help her, the other half whispered in agreement. FML
Today, I got a text from a number I didn’t recognize saying, "Hey, cutie." Thinking it was the guy I met in a bar during a NYE party, I flirted back. Turns out, it was my grandma learning how to use her new phone. FML
Today, I received my first phone call of the new year. It was the police station informing me that my elderly grandmother has been arrested for indecent exposure. FML
Today, I bitched out my grandmother, who lives with my family, for being lazy and laying in bed until 6-7pm for the past month. When I was done, she told me she had been diagnosed with cancer and was depressed because of it. Nobody had bothered to tell me. FML
Today, I had to pick my grandma up because she was drunk, at church, at 9am. FML
Today, my grandmother called. She greeted me by my mother's name. When I told her it wasn't my mother, she apologized and corrected herself, but this time she addressed me as my sister. When I told her it wasn't my sister either, she said, "Sorry, wrong number" and hung up. FML
Today, I called my grandmother to wish her a happy Valentine's Day. She asked me if I had a date lined up. I didn't, and before I could explain why, she responded with, "Well, maybe all the other gays went on vacation!" Thanks Grandma, I'm not gay. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My grandmother died yesterday. We were close and she basically raised me. FML
Today, the only person in my entire family to show up sober and on time to my graduation was my grandma. FML
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Top comments
FYLDeep 26
What the hell where you doing in bed? Even if you're alone you should be up for New Years.
mercedes3210 6
sad you should hang out with your grandma
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Comments (51)
starile 20
The old folks' homes always have the CRAZIEST parties, man! You were missing out! Little old ladies be dancing on tables, swinging their bras, getting champagne sprayed on them.. Your resolution should be to be as fun as a little old lady.
ICaughtFire 4
Having helicopter showdowns! Man, a penis helicopter does no justice to a granny's titty flop helicopter! ... Now, unsee THAT.
meowmeowwkitty 0
I don't know what old folks home you two are going to
hideyoself 4
Maybe she was delusional and tried dialing for help! a burglar could've been assaulting her for that matter
Mishana 0
Well, I totaly understand cause even I laast night (last year ^^) I was all alone in bed and didn't even stayed up 'till midnight --' But at least you grandma is having fun and someone have to thought ....
DocBastard 40
Pen, I was going to ask you to give her a break since she was probably drunk, but she's only 13, so...I guess she could have been partying with Grandma?
Mishana 0
I'm not 13, its a mistake And I wanted to delete the "thought" but I couldn't edit anymore it was too late
talun 10
^ That rhymed.
Bear_Flu 0
no it didn't
dandawg69 0
she's probably with the rest of your family, you should consider joining them
Cass3m0 0
You should try commas every now and then. :3 It's a nifty invention to make sure you can breathe when saying a phrase.
mrpager 0
Well if you stayed up late enough for her to call you to wish you happy new year then did you atleast watch the ball drop??
meowmeowwkitty 0
snooki ball?
taniaaaaa 0
It's fine, hunn. Lols I'm sure your social life will improve with age :) teehee
bethany_camille 0
It's okay OP. I went to sleep at 11:30 on New Years and woke up at 12:05 to my dumbass ex lighting M-80's off outside my window. Happy New Years??? :(
mightymart 5
ever tought that most of her friends might be dead dumbass?!
perdix 31
Being in bed early on New Year's Eve doesn't necessarily mean you have a bad social life -- it depends on how many people you were in bed with ;) You could have been getting DP'ed when Granny called and still have been at least one up on her. Even if she was getting some when she called, old people can't figure out DP -- that's too high-tech for them.